When my son was just eighteen months old, I began to suspect that he might be autistic. Walker’s behavior was notably different from his older brother’s, a fact I recognized even on the day he was born. However, it wasn’t until later that I connected those differences to autism. Because his symptoms were somewhat atypical, it took considerable time to persuade the necessary professionals to evaluate him. Finally, just before his third birthday, we received the diagnosis I had always suspected: our son is autistic. I realized I knew him better than anyone else.
Initially, I felt a whirlwind of emotions upon receiving the diagnosis, but not for the reasons many might assume. I wasn’t grieving the child I thought I would have; Walker, as he is, has always been the child I wanted. I wasn’t fixated on what his future might hold either; he will carve out his own path, just like any other child.
Instead, I was overwhelmed by my own lack of knowledge. I had no clue what he might need, and I questioned if I was equipped to raise a neurodivergent child. I felt he deserved a mom who was organized, a mom whose home was tidy and filled with educational toys. Walker deserved the very best, and yet, he was getting me—a chaotic mom with a house cluttered with toys and takeout.
Despite my imperfections, all I could offer him was love and a commitment to learn everything I could to meet his needs. But would that be enough?
Since Walker’s diagnosis, I’ve been intentional about where I source my information on autism. I had no idea that many autistic adults are eager to share their experiences and insights. Their willingness to advocate for autistic children has been one of the most enlightening aspects of my journey. Most of my understanding of Walker comes from conversations with autistic adults, which has been incredibly reassuring.
Recently, a follower asked a well-known celebrity how she would cope if her son were diagnosed with autism. Her response resonated with me: she did not view autism as a negative trait. Her husband, who is on the spectrum, is one of the most wonderful individuals she knows. That perspective is refreshing. Autism is not a deficit; it’s part of who someone is. The spectrum is filled with remarkable, creative, and talented individuals who enrich our world in ways that neurotypical minds might not envision.
When I share that Walker is autistic, I often encounter pity. People say, “Oh, I’m sorry. He seems so normal to me!” This reaction is bewildering. First of all, Walker is normal! What does normal even mean? He is who he is meant to be, and being autistic is simply part of his identity.
Moreover, Walker has no obligation to fit into someone else’s idea of normalcy. And frankly, I don’t need anyone’s pity. I am privileged to raise an extraordinary, quirky, and intelligent boy. He deserves an environment where he is celebrated for who he is, not forced to conform to societal expectations designed for neurotypical individuals.
Of course, I navigate the usual challenges of parenting, from mud and grass dragged into the house to the occasional bruises from adventurous play. If anyone has tips on managing the chaos, I’m all ears! But I have never felt the need to “cope” with Walker’s diagnosis. What he truly needs is time, space, and the freedom to explore life in his own way.
The journey we share is a joy. I get to witness his growth and unique perspective on the world. It’s important to note that autism manifests differently in each individual. Some parents may experience grief or sadness upon learning their child’s diagnosis, which doesn’t make them bad parents. They may be influenced by negative narratives around autism. I understand that it can be complicated.
For me, there was nothing to cope with regarding Walker’s diagnosis. Once I realized I could be the mother he needs, I embraced the opportunity to learn from him as much as he learns from me. Raising him is a privilege, and I cherish every moment.
The author has chosen to use identity-first language to describe her son as advised by autistic adults. To learn more, please check out this enlightening article from the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network.