You Haven’t Truly Experienced Irritability Until You Hit Your 40s

You Haven’t Truly Experienced Irritability Until You Hit Your 40sAt home insemination kit

I was a moody teenager, and I’ll own up to that. I can honestly say it was all thanks to the tumultuous hormones of puberty. As a child (before my body started changing), I remember waking up each day full of joy. I was thrilled about school, excited to wear my favorite purple shirt, and couldn’t wait to sip hot chocolate when I returned home. Even the sound of rain brought me happiness.

I was the epitome of a carefree spirit, bouncing around like an overly enthusiastic child. My teachers often chatted with my parents about my excessive talking — I was just too social for the classroom! My mom even created a game called “Let’s See How Long You Can Go Without Talking.” Spoiler alert: I never lasted more than three minutes, even with a cash incentive.

Then, around the age of twelve, I vividly recall sitting in band class when the tears began to flow. For no apparent reason, the excitement I felt for the school dance vanished, replaced by a desire for solitude. Eventually, I emerged from that emotional fog and returned to my bubbly self in my late teens. I genuinely believed that my moody days were behind me; it was just a teen phase, right? Wrong.

When I hit 40, the girl who cried in band class seemed like a pleasant memory compared to the rage-filled woman I’ve become. Nearly six years later, those mood swings are still around — and they seem to be intensifying. One moment I’m calm, and the next, I feel like I could break a log in two. Honestly, I surprise myself when that shift happens, and when it does, watch out — I might just take you down if you get in my way.

Just last week, I spoke with a friend who told me that she and her husband established a safe word for when she feels the mood swings creeping in. Yes, a safe word. If you haven’t reached the perimenopausal stage, you might think it’s absurd to require such a measure, but trust me, you’ll understand once you get here. These feelings are real and uncontrollable. I’ve tried everything — and so have my friends. While some things help a bit (like sleep, exercise, and reducing sugar), there’s no universal solution.

Middle age mood swings feel like someone else is controlling your brain with a remote. You can wake up feeling fine, only to be struck by intense anxiety within half an hour, leaving you bewildered. Your body can play tricks too; one moment you’re freezing, and the next, you’re so hot you want to stand outside in the nude, craving solitude. You may find yourself starving one day, daydreaming about turkey legs and cheesecake, only to be hit with nausea and cramping — it’s like a cruel joke.

Some friends report a complete loss of libido, while others find their desire skyrocketing, leading to fights with their partners. And let’s not ignore the delightful gifts of middle age: acne, wrinkles, and unexpected hair growth. It’s like life is saying, “Let’s really mess with you by robbing your sleep and throwing a few zits and facial hair into the mix.” I can feel fine one minute, only to catch a glimpse of my reflection and see a jawline dotted with blemishes — not a pleasant surprise.

You don’t truly grasp irritability until you hit your 40s. Sure, there are perks to this stage, like not caring as much about others’ opinions and knowing which jeans fit you best. But that doesn’t mean you won’t want to snatch that bag of chips from your partner’s hands when they’re crunching too loudly. A minor issue, like a clogged sink, can bring you to tears, and sleep will evade you even if your mind is blank.

Basically, middle age is akin to having severe PMS every few days. Even on the days you feel like yourself, a sense of dread looms overhead, knowing that the irritable, feisty version of you is bound to show up soon. I wish there were a magic pill to ease this transition for everyone. Until then, perhaps we should all consider adopting a safe word — it’s certainly working for my friend.

For more insights, check out our other blog posts on related topics like home insemination and how to navigate pregnancy.

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