When I think about having “the talk” with children regarding sex and pleasure, I often picture the awkward scenes from classic movies of the ’80s. Typically, it involves a father awkwardly trying to explain things to his teenage son, resulting in discomfort for both. Unfortunately, relying on these portrayals for parenting advice is not ideal. For many parents, discussing sex and sexuality with their children can be daunting. They may feel uncertain about when to start or how to approach the subject.
To gain insight on how to handle these sometimes-awkward discussions, we consulted Emma Thomas, a sexual health counselor and advisor at a local clinic. Here are her top tips for initiating these important conversations.
1. It’s an Ongoing Dialogue, Not a One-Time Talk
Unlike what those old movies depict, discussions about sex, bodies, and sexuality should begin as early as your child’s birth. Emma emphasizes that conversations can start with simple discussions about body safety and boundaries during diaper changes or bath time. For younger kids, it’s crucial to help them recognize their individuality, teach them the proper names for their body parts, and explain that genitals are just a natural part of who they are.
2. Be Ready for Questions
Parents should be prepared to answer questions and learn alongside their children. “Many adults don’t have a solid understanding of anatomy,” Emma points out. It’s perfectly acceptable to admit when you don’t have an answer and to explore the topic together. Starting conversations by asking what your child already knows can provide valuable insights into their understanding and comfort level.
3. Honesty is Key
Emma advises against perpetuating myths, such as saying babies come from storks. Each child develops at their own pace, so it’s best to provide honest, engaging information. For example, when discussing how babies are born, she might explain it as a “special tunnel” called a vagina. It’s also beneficial to talk about different ways babies come into the world, such as adoption or surrogacy.
4. Teach Consent Early
Consent is a fundamental topic that should be addressed from a young age. Emma suggests teaching children that they have the right to say no, whether it’s refusing a hug from a relative or voicing discomfort during play. This foundational skill will empower them to communicate their boundaries as they grow.
5. Don’t Wait for Your Child to Ask
Emma recommends introducing the topic of sex around ages 9 or 10, making sure to keep it casual and approachable. Research shows that open discussions about sex can delay a child’s first sexual experience and ensure it is more consensual and enjoyable. Relating these discussions to familiar concepts, like food preferences, can help children understand attraction and pleasure in a relatable way.
Parents should also confront their discomfort with the topic. Emma emphasizes that avoiding uncomfortable conversations can hinder their children’s understanding of bodies and sex. The aim is to raise children who can enjoy healthy relationships while feeling comfortable discussing their feelings and desires.
For more information on related topics, check out this other blog post about the importance of communication in relationships. Additionally, consider resources like this fertility booster for men and this excellent guide on IVF.
In Summary
Discussing sex and pleasure with children doesn’t have to be a daunting task. By starting early, being honest, and fostering open communication, parents can help their children navigate this essential aspect of life with confidence and understanding.