Recently, a group of women I considered my friends went out for dinner and drinks without me. One morning, I woke up to a flurry of photos on social media tagged with “Girls’ Night!” They were all at a bustling restaurant, gathered around a large table, drinks in hand, smiles wide.
I counted the faces in the pictures and quickly realized I hadn’t received an invitation. The feeling was reminiscent of being a teenager again—excluded from the “cool kids’ party.” It triggered memories of feeling inadequate thanks to a so-called Queen Bee who thrived on making me feel unwelcome.
Initially, sadness washed over me. I was tempted to leave a snarky comment on one of the photos, something like, “Thanks for thinking of me!” Just enough to let them know I was hurt. But before I hit ‘send,’ I paused. I’m not in high school anymore—I’m 33.
I shared my feelings with my husband, who offered various reassurances. “You’re not the only one left out,” he said. “They probably didn’t mean any harm.” He even asked me if I would have gone out, considering I’m almost 30 weeks pregnant. That was a valid point. But still, I felt slighted. Shouldn’t they have included me, regardless?
This led to a simmering anger. Next time I plan something fun, I thought, I would know who to leave off the guest list. My husband suggested I confront one of them to find out what happened, assuring me it would lead to a sensible explanation that would ease my mind. Instead, I chose to reflect on it for a while.
Over the next couple of weeks, I mulled over whether I had offended someone or if there was something else going on in their lives. I considered my own circumstances, and after some introspection, I realized that while I did want to be invited, I didn’t want the invitation out of pity.
While it’s natural to want to feel included, I recognized that not everyone will resonate with my personality. I can be sarcastic and a bit too candid about my pregnancy—qualities that might not appeal to everyone all the time. And honestly, I don’t always vibe with everyone else’s quirks either. Does that make us bad people? Absolutely not. It simply makes us human.
Ultimately, I’m okay with where I stand. My hope is that my friends feel the same way because, despite everything, I truly care about them.
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