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On February 26th, 2020, at 6:30 PM, my daughter was born. Weighing 8 lbs 10 oz and measuring 22 inches, her arrival marked the end of our journey through infertility, culminating in a successful IVF frozen transfer. Growing up in a family of five with a single father, the struggles of infertility deepened my longing to nurture and heightened my desire to become a mother.
The nine months leading to the birth of my daughter were filled with a whirlwind of emotions. I vividly recall the moment during our 24-hour induction when our doctor delivered my baby, accidentally fracturing her clavicle while hastily untangling the umbilical cord from around her neck. The delivery room fell silent until I heard her first cry, bringing a wave of relief to my husband’s face.
Once we returned home after a brief hospital stay, we felt a mix of relief and gratitude, feeling as if we had escaped unscathed. However, as we adjusted to our new normal as a family of three, Minnesota issued its first stay-at-home order. We quickly adapted to this new lifestyle, mourning the inability to introduce our beloved daughter to family and friends. Instead, we found ourselves wiping down groceries, isolating, and sharing our respective health anxieties.
Throughout my 16-week maternity leave, I often gazed at my daughter, captivated by her existence while grappling with a conflicting wave of joy and fear. I anxiously followed Andrew Cuomo’s daily COVID updates and tuned in to Chris Cuomo’s late-night broadcasts during midnight feedings. I became invested in Minnesota’s public health briefings, celebrating stabilizing case numbers while feeling disheartened during spikes.
Tears filled my eyes during a pediatric appointment when I expressed my concerns about my daughter’s social development, worried because she hadn’t stepped foot into a store. The doctor reassured me, saying, “COVID hasn’t broken her,” but I felt a deep sense of frustration. I longed for the optimism that seemed elusive as I battled the overload of information and the constant need to assess risks in what used to be everyday decisions.
Despite feeling guilty for mourning my maternity leave while recognizing my privilege of paid time off, I struggled with the isolation that came with being a first-time mom during a pandemic. COVID overshadowed my initial parenting journey, but I’ve slowly learned to accept that it’s okay. My daughter is healthy, and as my maternity leave ended, I found a newfound sense of peace after navigating unexpected challenges.
While our friends and family haven’t had the chance to embrace her with hugs or hold her close, they love her as they love me. That is what truly matters. The road to parenthood with my daughter has been filled with uncertainties, yet it also brought love and hope. I reflect on our journey with gratitude, appreciating the lessons learned through adversity.
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Summary:
The journey of becoming a parent during a pandemic is filled with challenges and uncertainties. From the emotional rollercoaster of infertility to navigating the complexities of a global health crisis, new parents face hurdles that were once unimaginable. Despite the isolation and fear, love and hope remain the guiding forces in this beautiful yet complicated experience.