Moms as Pandemic Decision Makers: The Exhausting Reality

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When my son expressed his desire to attend a New Year’s Eve party with two friends and his girlfriend, I found myself in a tricky position as a mother of a 17-year-old. Setting ground rules is challenging enough, but navigating these choices in the midst of a pandemic made it somewhat simpler to say no.

Naturally, I became the villain in this scenario, especially since other parents were more relaxed and eager for their kids to “have some fun” after a tough year. Sure, I get it—it’s been a rough year for everyone, including me, but that doesn’t change the risks involved.

A few months later, when another friend of my son turned 18 and his parents rented a hotel room for a “fun” celebration, I once again found myself in the hot seat after my son received another rejection. Calls from other moms flooded in, my son was upset, and his friends bombarded me with messages insisting it would be fine.

When my son developed an itchy throat and runny nose just before Christmas, I was the one who noticed and took him for a COVID test. It was me he and my kids approached when they wanted to return to school after half a year of remote learning. Just last week, I lost my cool when my daughter was invited to a slumber party, and I had to say no. I felt awful knowing these kids have faced enough hardship, but I feared a slumber party could easily become a super spreader event, especially with teenagers involved. We all remember those days of sneaking out or sneaking friends into parties. My instincts told me that if a parent was willing to host a sleepover, they might not be prioritizing COVID safety.

While my daughter seemed to understand, the morning of the party, the hosting father called me—while I was trying to focus on work—to discuss my decision. He argued for ten minutes about how seriously they were taking safety and urged me to reconsider. Of course, he didn’t reach out to my ex-husband; I was left to prioritize our family’s health and bear the burden of being the “bad guy” once again.

It’s no secret that moms have historically carried this weight, even in non-pandemic times. I’m the one who notices when kids need medical attention before my ex does. I schedule their appointments and handle their social lives. When we run out of groceries, it’s the moms who get asked to fill the void.

So, when every decision we made during the pandemic felt monumental, it fell on us—moms around the world—to either approve or deny nearly every choice our families faced. This responsibility has made the past year the most exhausting ever, and it’s no wonder many of us feel like we can’t catch a break.

The burden of being the one who has to say no, who has to weigh the risks of even basic outings, can be overwhelming. Often, it feels like no one else wants to shoulder these responsibilities, leaving moms to juggle it all while being perceived as the fun-sponges by our kids.

This relentless pressure takes a significant toll, leading to a level of exhaustion I’ve never experienced before. It’s clear that moms do so much, but it comes at a cost.

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Summary:

Moms have become the primary decision-makers during the pandemic, often feeling the weight of responsibility for their family’s safety. This burden can be exhausting, as they navigate difficult choices about social activities and health risks, all while being perceived as the “bad guy” by their children. The emotional toll of these decisions has made the past year particularly challenging for mothers.