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Every day, I wake up hoping today will be different. I tell myself I’ll get organized, tackle that mounting list of unwritten articles, and not let another headline or a white-owned company profiting from Asian culture unsettle me, especially in light of the tragic events in Atlanta. I wish today would be the day I don’t have to confront feelings of panic, grief, and anger, or retreat from social media because someone shared yet another painful story of anti-Asian racism or misogyny.
I appreciate my friends, particularly my Black and Asian women friends, who have reached out following the Atlanta shootings. Their support has been invaluable, especially since the rise of anti-Asian sentiment during the COVID-19 pandemic. However, when they inquire about how they can assist, I often find myself at a loss for words. I don’t need financial help or products to sell; I already have a strong support network.
Yet, I sometimes feel like I’m in imminent danger—not just for myself but for my family and fellow marginalized groups. The reality is that we face threats that can escalate without warning.
I want to scream. I don’t know how to express that my friends’ well-meaning gestures can’t truly alleviate the systemic issues we’re confronting. As much as I value their concern, it feels like a temporary fix for a deep, festering wound. How do I convey the urgency of dismantling white supremacy and patriarchy, which is not something that can be achieved overnight?
When asked about resources to understand anti-Asian hate or Asian American history, I feel pressured to provide answers, yet I am utterly exhausted. I fear that the forces of white patriarchy are stronger than my capacity to resist them. I grapple with the idea of remaining human in a world that often treats me as disposable or exotic, where my existence is questioned.
I am not okay. I feel like a shattered windshield, just waiting for that final push to break. I am angry, sad, and frightened. I am human, and I refuse to apologize for my feelings.
Further Reading
For more insightful discussions on these topics, check out this article on intracervical insemination, or explore this authoritative resource on artificial insemination kits. The NHS also provides excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
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In summary, as I navigate these tumultuous feelings and systemic issues, I remain grateful for the support from my friends. However, the challenges we face require more than just kind words; they demand systemic change.