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When you inhabit a body that enjoys the advantages of thin privilege, your conversations about dieting may not resonate with your plus-size friends. It’s important to clarify that thin privilege doesn’t imply you don’t struggle with body image issues or that you meet every standard of being “thin.” It simply indicates that your body fits within society’s accepted norms, allowing you to navigate the world without the added challenges that those in larger bodies often face. If you’re in this position, it’s crucial to reflect on who you’re speaking to when discussing your weight loss journey.
From my own experience, I can attest that when individuals in larger bodies ask for basic respect from those who are thinner, it often sparks strong reactions. Many may resist this idea, but that doesn’t invalidate it. Before you launch into a lengthy account of the 14 pounds you shed by consuming only peanuts and exercising like a gladiator, pause and think about whether your audience—especially if they’re in a larger body—truly wants to hear it.
The emotions tied to living in a larger body are complex and nuanced. If you’ve gained weight and wish to lose it, but have never experienced life as someone who is overweight, you might not fully grasp the impact of your words. That’s why I’m sharing this perspective. My goal isn’t to impose rules or silence your voice; I simply want to highlight some points you might have overlooked.
Diet Culture is Problematic
First and foremost, diet culture is problematic. You may find yourself dieting due to societal pressures that make you feel inadequate unless you’re very thin. And even if you aren’t overweight, each pound gained can feel like a personal failure. This is a deliberate outcome of a massive diet industry that profits from your insecurity.
For those of us in larger bodies, the societal pressures can be overwhelming. For our mental health, some of us have had to step away from the constant barrage of thin-centric messages and learn to appreciate our bodies as beautiful and deserving of care, irrespective of whether we aim to change them or not. Conversations about dieting can feel mundane when you’ve decided to prioritize health and happiness over the scale.
When you share your diet experiences, it can heighten the awareness of how you perceive larger bodies. Approaching someone in a larger body to express disdain for weight—even your own—can be as misplaced as venting about your spouse’s work trip to a grieving widow. You can have your feelings, but being sensitive to the context matters.
The Weight of Societal Judgments
Living as a plus-size individual, I often feel the weight of societal judgments that label me as lazy or unhealthy based solely on my size. This mindset is ingrained in us from a young age; our society idolizes thinness while viewing fatness as inferior. When I’m surrounded by people who love me, I can momentarily escape the discomfort of being “the fat girl.” My friends provide a refuge from the harsh criticisms of society.
When you discuss your dieting goals and struggles, it can come across as, “I care about you, but I’ll go to great lengths to avoid looking like you.” Even if that’s not your intent, the impact of your words may still cause discomfort. In adulthood, we must acknowledge that our actions often weigh more heavily than our intentions.
Moreover, engaging in diet talk can be harmful to those who have experienced eating disorders. Many individuals in larger bodies have battled disordered eating, and such discussions can tempt them to revert to unhealthy habits. Disordered eating can affect anyone, regardless of body size. I don’t know a single person in a larger body who hasn’t felt a sense of pride in going to bed hungry, misled by diet culture into believing that deprivation equates to worth. The societal pressure we face is far more burdensome than any physical weight could ever be.
Choosing the Right Setting
Our casual gatherings—whether it’s a coffee date or a birthday celebration—aren’t always the right setting for addressing these deep-rooted issues. It won’t harm you to refrain from discussing your weight loss endeavors with your plus-size friends. Instead, check in with them first; ask if they would like to hear about your dieting experiences before diving in.
Some individuals in larger bodies may be perfectly fine discussing your diet, and that’s perfectly acceptable. If someone expresses interest, feel free to share your journey. You absolutely have the right to talk about your experiences and feel proud of your achievements. However, it’s crucial to recognize that, especially if you are smaller than the person you’re speaking to, they may not feel comfortable engaging in a conversation about dieting.
If you’re kind-hearted and well-meaning, respecting the boundaries your plus-size friends set is essential.
Further Reading
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Summary
In summary, engaging in discussions about dieting can unintentionally alienate or hurt your plus-size friends. It’s vital to recognize the impact of diet culture and be mindful of the feelings of those who may struggle with body image and disordered eating. A simple check-in can go a long way in fostering respect and understanding in your friendships.