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Updated: April 5, 2021
Originally Published: April 2, 2021
I had been living a sober life as a recovering alcoholic for a decade when my husband made the decision to have his last bourbon. He did so quietly, and I remained unaware for two weeks. Then, during a dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, he surprised me by ordering only water. I was taken aback. He told me it was time for a change.
This choice has significantly strengthened our relationship. Without alcohol coming between us, we are genuinely better together.
Our Early Days
In the early days of our relationship, drinking was central to our interactions. Our meet-ups often revolved around happy hours and late-night beers on his patio. Dining out frequently included a few glasses of wine. I often wondered if we had anything in common beyond our shared love for Budweiser. We grew up in different cities, had different religious backgrounds, and had various interests. He was into sports while I preferred reading magazines. Yet, we made it work.
The Routine of Drinking
After we got married, drinking became a nightly routine. A glass of wine after a stressful day or celebratory cocktails on the weekend became the norm. It wasn’t long before I realized my drinking was spiraling out of control. I found myself hungover at work regularly, consuming beers at least four times a week, which was taking a toll on my life.
When I became pregnant, I quit drinking for nine months, but after my son was born, I returned to the bar scene. A few months after his first birthday, I got pregnant again. That was my breaking point, and I haven’t touched alcohol since. I went on to have four children, and I take pride in having not drunk during three of their lives.
His Drinking Habits
My husband, on the other hand, continued to drink, though his habits weren’t the same as mine. He didn’t drink to get drunk but rather created a routine: a beer after work, a cold one while grilling, and a glass of wine during movie nights. But he began to drink alone. This didn’t bother me at first, but it eventually did. His drinking led to arguments, bringing out the worst in both of us.
As resentment grew, we began to drift apart. I would take the kids upstairs, while he remained in the basement with his drink. We were living separate lives, resembling roommates more than a married couple. Our Saturday nights often ended in fights, especially when I became frustrated with being the designated driver while he splurged on expensive wines. I felt like he was wasting money, which fueled my anger.
A Quiet Decision
There wasn’t a dramatic moment that prompted him to quit drinking; he simply decided to stop. He isn’t the type to make grand statements; instead, he quietly made the choice, recognizing that his family deserved the best version of him.
Life After Sobriety
As we approach two years of sobriety together, our lives have improved immensely. Sure, we still argue—what couple doesn’t?—but our fights are less destructive. Now, we address real challenges instead of blaming alcohol. I am no longer nagging because I’m drunk, and he isn’t yelling due to overindulgence. We’re facing our true issues head-on.
Our parenting has also benefited from our sobriety. We have the patience to engage with our kids meaningfully and prioritize family time over drinking.
Our Perspective on Drinking
It’s important to note that we don’t have an issue with others who drink; we have our own drinking problem. At our gatherings, we can serve drinks without partaking ourselves. We’re not judgmental and don’t feel tempted. Many can enjoy a glass of wine and lead normal lives, but we are not among them. I worry about our children; with a history of alcoholism in our family, I hope they will learn to navigate their choices wisely.
I feel incredibly grateful that we didn’t allow alcohol to ruin our marriage. Instead, we chose to work on our relationship. I love my husband deeply, and I can honestly say I love him even more without alcohol in the mix. We toast to saving our marriage with a Diet Coke or an Irish coffee, minus the Bailey’s, and that’s just perfect for us.
Further Reading
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Summary
In a heartfelt recount of personal transformation, Sarah Johnson shares her journey of sobriety alongside her husband, who quietly stopped drinking after years of routine consumption. This decision has rejuvenated their relationship, enabling them to confront real challenges and nurture their family without the cloud of alcohol. Their story emphasizes the importance of personal growth and the positive impact of sobriety on their marriage and parenting.