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Recently, while chatting with a fellow mom, the topic inevitably shifted to our children. We discovered we both had toddlers close in age, and she shared her frustration about the constant inquiries regarding when she plans to have another baby. I could only offer a sympathetic sigh and my usual response of “UGH,” because honestly, that question can be exhausting.
“I’m not sure I want another one—I’m already so tired,” she confessed. “People say I shouldn’t wait too long because my kids will be too far apart, but I’m okay with an age gap. I just know I’m not ready for another right now. But they keep telling me I’ll be too old soon.” She then whispered, “I mean, I don’t even know if I can HAVE another.”
She was fortunate that time constraints prevented me from diving deeper into my own experiences with such comments.
I didn’t tell her that, unlike her situation, I had always imagined my children being closer in age. I didn’t share my own struggles with loss and uncertainty about having another child. I held back from recounting the painful moment when someone asked me about having another at a baby shower that was a painful reminder of my first loss, which had occurred just months earlier. I didn’t mention how hard it was to smile and brush off the comment made on the due date of my stillborn child, leaving me questioning if I was failing my living child by not providing her with a sibling.
I didn’t mention that while I currently feel a desire for another child, that option seems less available to me now.
But she didn’t need to hear all of that, even though some people might benefit from understanding. It’s possible that these questions come from a good place or merely serve as small talk, but they can lead to discomfort and even deep emotional pain.
Instead, I reassured her that it’s perfectly okay to choose to have just one child. I shared that my own children are five years apart and how that age difference has brought its own blessings. I emphasized that whatever decision she makes will ultimately be the right one and that she’ll know when the time is right for her family. I reminded her that societal expectations don’t determine her worth as a mother or a woman.
Regardless of whether one chooses to have none, one, or several children, we all hold value as mothers and women. Questions and comments about a woman’s reproductive choices are deeply personal and can evoke feelings of inadequacy or judgment. It’s crucial to recognize that every motherhood journey is unique and often more complex than it appears.
So, please refrain from asking those questions. They can be more hurtful than you realize.
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For more insights on this topic, you might want to check out this article from an authority on home insemination. Additionally, for a comprehensive understanding of infertility treatments, WebMD offers excellent resources.
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- What to consider before having another baby
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In summary, the conversation about expanding one’s family can be complex and deeply personal. It’s essential to approach such topics with sensitivity, acknowledging that every woman’s journey in motherhood is unique and often filled with challenges that may not be visible at first glance.