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I identify as pro-choice and I’m also the mother of a 12-year-old boy with Down syndrome. At first glance, these two perspectives might not appear to conflict, but the stark reality is that approximately 67% of pregnancies diagnosed with Down syndrome end in abortion. This statistic reflects a troubling societal tendency to devalue individuals like my son, which complicates my pro-choice stance.
I firmly believe that bodily autonomy is a fundamental human right, meaning no woman should be compelled to carry a pregnancy to term. Likewise, individuals with intellectual disabilities, like my son, deserve the freedom to live their lives without facing institutionalization or other injustices. In this regard, advocacy for disability rights and support for abortion access can indeed align.
However, I find that the pro-choice movement often strays from emphasizing bodily autonomy as the core reason for legalizing abortion. Frequently, discussions focus on specific scenarios—such as cases of rape, maternal health concerns, or fetal disabilities—which is where my internal conflict arises.
When my partner was eight weeks pregnant with our son, he was diagnosed with a heart condition commonly associated with Down syndrome. It was a double blow: we faced both the reality of his heart issues and the likelihood of his intellectual disability. Nevertheless, we had previously agreed that termination was not an option for us. Despite our decision, we faced pressure from the diagnosing physician to consider amniocentesis, with the implication that a confirmed diagnosis would lead us to opt for abortion. Even my therapist suggested that we should consider abortion or institutionalization due to the grim prognosis. This experience is all too familiar among parents of children with Down syndrome.
Why did we choose to continue the pregnancy? I believe in fate and that the child we were meant to have would be perfect for our family. We were fortunate to have health insurance and adequate resources to support a child with special needs. While I respect that abortion was an option, I resent the narrative pushed by medical professionals and the pro-choice movement that often frames abortion as the default choice following a Down syndrome diagnosis. Those promoting this viewpoint often lack a real understanding of what life with a child with Down syndrome entails, and their messages are rooted in fear and misunderstanding.
Living with my son brings unique challenges and rewards. He is mostly nonverbal but expresses himself through emotions and humor, filling our home with laughter. Academically, he faces difficulties, but I’ve learned to prioritize his growth as a caring individual over traditional achievements like test scores. His ability to find joy in simple pleasures, such as swinging or jumping on the trampoline, has reshaped my perspective on what success means.
Unfortunately, the most challenging aspect of raising my son is often the societal attitudes towards him. We faced significant hurdles in finding daycare that would accept him, and schools have frequently underestimated his abilities, providing inadequate support. Both children and adults often stare at him in public. The pro-choice movement’s stance on disability contributes to this societal bias, both reflecting and perpetuating it.
So what do I hope for? First, I wish pro-choice advocates would refrain from using disability as a justification for abortion. Why is it more acceptable to discuss terminating a pregnancy due to a Down syndrome diagnosis rather than simply asserting that a woman has the right to make choices about her own body, for any reason? Secondly, I want the pro-choice movement to promote unbiased information about prenatal diagnoses. When medical professionals propagate negative narratives about living with Down syndrome, they prevent women from making truly informed decisions regarding their pregnancies.
Women deserve access to objective data without judgment, allowing them to make the best choices for themselves and their families. For a deeper understanding of related topics, check out this useful resource on fertility and learn more about available options at Make a Mom’s artificial insemination kit.
Summary:
The author reflects on the tension between being pro-choice and raising a son with Down syndrome, highlighting the societal devaluation of individuals with disabilities. She advocates for a pro-choice movement that focuses on bodily autonomy and provides unbiased information about prenatal diagnoses, rather than framing disability as a reason for abortion.