Never Arguing Doesn’t Indicate a Healthy Relationship

happy babyhome insemination kits with syringes

In my marriage, my partner and I embrace a “see something, say something” philosophy. This means that if one of us notices something the other does that we don’t agree with, we speak up. It doesn’t matter if we’re at family gatherings, out with friends, or just at home; we engage in light bickering. This dynamic does not signify a weak or unhealthy relationship, nor does it lead us towards divorce. For us, bickering is an essential part of maintaining a healthy relationship. We prioritize open communication and leave space for deeper discussions later.

My partner and I often bicker daily, but this is a normal aspect of our relationship, and we are perfectly fine with it. Our love for each other is just as evident as our occasional disagreements. I’d describe our bickering as mild nagging; my partner genuinely seeks to understand my perspective while also voicing her own thoughts. The topics of our bickering can be trivial, such as whether our child’s hair products are appropriate for school, or more mundane matters like tidying up after ourselves.

Just last Sunday, we had a comical dispute over a chair. Our twins, L and A, were involved in a brief back-and-forth about who would sit in it. I told L she could have the chair, but my partner insisted A was returning to it. After a couple of minutes of this playful exchange, neither child ended up sitting in the chair, and we all moved on with the day. This kind of bickering doesn’t involve yelling or insults; it’s simply a way to communicate differing opinions.

The cornerstone of a healthy relationship is communication, and there are both effective and ineffective ways to express oneself. Bickering, in itself, is not detrimental—unless it turns hurtful or involves insults. There is a significant distinction between harmless disagreements and intense arguments. For topics that evoke strong emotions, it’s wiser to discuss them in private when everyone is calm.

Couples who claim they never argue might not be communicating effectively. If one partner feels unable to voice their thoughts, that relationship may need the guidance of a therapist. Suppressing issues is harmful for both partners. For couples struggling with communication, therapy can be a beneficial “tune-up” for the relationship, much like regular maintenance for your car or routine medical check-ups. Even couples who consider themselves happy can benefit from therapy; it’s not only for those experiencing turmoil.

Therapy is about fostering an environment where both partners can engage in honest dialogue and modify their communication styles. It doesn’t mean avoiding disagreements; rather, it encourages healthier exchanges. My partner and I attended therapy together, which helped us listen to each other in ways we hadn’t before. We even found ourselves bickering during sessions, to which our therapist remarked, “There is such love there”—and he was right.

By bickering in front of our children, we demonstrate that disagreements are normal and healthy. It’s important for them to see that communication is key, whether it’s about where furniture should go or parking issues. We’re creating a safe space for our kids to understand that disagreements are a part of life.

As noted by Dr. Susan Heitler in Psychology Today, successful marriages thrive when both partners unite against challenges instead of against each other. Conflicts are natural and mean there are differences to address together, not arguments to win. Engaging in disagreements fosters better understanding and ultimately strengthens the relationship.

As parents, we guide our children in expressing their needs and navigating social challenges. If we don’t teach them about effective communication and conflict resolution, they may struggle as adults. Couples who avoid arguments inadvertently teach their kids that disagreements are nonexistent, which is misleading. The term “argue” suggests that emotions are involved, and it’s crucial to express those feelings in a constructive manner—even in front of our children.

For further insights on home insemination and to explore more about parenting and relationships, check out this related article and this authority on the topic. Additionally, this excellent resource offers valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination.

Summary

Engaging in light bickering is a healthy aspect of communication in relationships, contrary to the belief that never arguing signifies a strong bond. Open dialogue fosters understanding, and couples should embrace disagreements as opportunities for growth instead of avoiding conflict altogether. Teaching children about effective communication through our own interactions is crucial for their development.