Honestly, I Think I’m Struggling to Like Anyone Right Now

What a wild ride this past year has been, right? I’m feeling completely worn out, both physically and emotionally. Every day feels like a spin of the wheel: Is it just fatigue, the emotional toll of limited social interactions (has it really been 382 days? Who’s counting?), my all-carb diet, or something else entirely?

Let me clarify: I usually think people are pretty great. There are always a few exceptions, but I’ve always believed that most individuals are basically good. But wow, this last year has really put that belief to the test.

Some days, I honestly feel like I have a bit of disdain for everyone. A quick scroll through social media, reading news updates, or even chatting with a close friend can trigger a wave of frustration. I’ve found myself feeling angry at people I usually respect and admire. There’s been no clear reason for it, either. Seeing folks out enjoying themselves without masks can ignite my fury. Articles about the risks of in-person schooling can make me feel despondent (my kids have been back in school since January).

What has happened to me? When did I start feeling this way? I don’t want to be filled with negativity. I genuinely appreciate people, damn it.

The Reality of Humanity

Here’s the reality: people can be fantastic, inspiring, and kind. But they can also be selfish, ignorant, and downright unpleasant. This past year, many have revealed their true colors, and let me tell you, they’re not always the brightest shades.

People I once thought were kind have shown racist tendencies. Friends I believed were open-minded have turned out to be anti-science conspiracy theorists who think they know more than highly trained experts simply because they don’t want to wear a mask.

Crisis situations often unveil our true selves, and what I’ve seen hasn’t been pretty. It’s been downright distressing. Friendships have changed or even dissolved. My respect for many has diminished, and my faith in humanity has taken a hit.

The sense of unity we felt early in the pandemic dissipated rather quickly. The past year has been marked by shouting, blame, and a lot of confusion. Every decision, even simple ones like grocery shopping or sending kids to school, has felt morally and ethically complicated. To some, it’s “wrong” to go to the store; to others, being overly cautious impacts their family’s emotional health. If I let my kids play with their friends outdoors while keeping a safe distance but won’t let them enter a friend’s home even with a mask, am I too paranoid or too reckless? If I get vaccinated even if I think I don’t need it yet, am I doing the right thing or the wrong thing?

The constant self-doubt and judgment from all sides, including from myself, has been relentless. That kind of moral, ethical, and emotional rollercoaster is draining. It will mess with your mind.

Feelings of Loneliness

Honestly, I’ve never felt lonelier than I did this past year. It wasn’t just about the lack of physical presence from others outside my immediate family. It was the sensation that no one truly understands what I’m experiencing, except my husband, thank goodness. I think many of us share this feeling.

Navigating pandemic life has proven to be a challenge, as it seems impossible to find someone on the same wavelength. And no, I’m not referring to anti-maskers; that’s a different conversation altogether. Even among those of us who have taken the virus seriously, our thresholds for risk vary. Some are comfortable with in-person schooling while strictly wearing masks, while others are okay with family gatherings but hesitant about grocery shopping.

This emotional and physical exhaustion is real. Honestly, there have been times I’ve considered packing up and living off the grid with a pack of dogs. Seriously, it’s been that overwhelming.

Finding Hope

Yet, I don’t want to fall into the “people are terrible” mindset. I want to remember that humanity can be enchanting, despite its flaws. I don’t want to become so disillusioned that I forget the good in people. It’s not that I hate everyone; it’s that I hate the circumstances we’ve faced over the past year.

Fortunately, I’ve discovered a few things that help alleviate my frustration. First, I remind myself that we’re all under immense stress, and none of us are at our best. We need grace, now more than ever. Binge-watching mindless TV also provides a much-needed escape (current guilty pleasure: “White Collar”). And it turns out that classic stress-relievers like meditation, exercise, and fresh air really do work. Oh, and getting vaccinated has been a blessing (thank goodness for that!).

In Summary

This year has been riddled with unprecedented challenges. There haven’t been any perfect solutions, only less terrible choices. If you’re feeling angry and isolated, know that you’re not alone. These feelings will pass… I hope. And if they don’t? You might find me living in a cabin in the woods with a pack of dogs.

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In summary, while the past year has brought its challenges, it’s essential to remember that we’re all navigating this together. Recognizing our shared struggles can help foster understanding and compassion.