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If there’s one thing we can credit the recent political climate for (and trust me, it’s a short list), it’s the revelation of the deep-seated racism that still exists in our society. Many of us thought we had moved beyond such ignorance. We believed that equal rights were a given and that the ugliness of racism and bigotry was relics of the past, fading away with the aging generation of narrow-minded individuals. Unfortunately, the truth is much harsher.
We are now painfully aware that racism is very much alive today, and the struggle for equality for BIPOC communities in the U.S. is far from finished. What’s particularly distressing is when we discover that those closest to us—our family members, spouses, and friends—are the ones perpetuating hate.
This heartbreaking reality has hit many during the rise of toxic political ideologies, forcing them to confront the uncomfortable truth that their loved ones may hold racist beliefs. This leads to difficult decisions: should we sever ties or attempt to coexist with those whose values starkly contrast with our own?
Take, for instance, a situation shared by one individual: “My brother-in-law has joined an online hate group that targets individuals with my political views. Yet, I’m still expected to be around him and act civilly. Would a Jewish person be civil toward a Nazi? Why should I?”
Another person noted, “My husband’s mom is openly racist, and I can’t stand her. Her children let her say whatever she wants, no matter who it offends. When I call her out, I’m the one painted as the villain for defending my beliefs.”
It’s easy to suggest cutting toxic relatives out of our lives, but we know it’s not that simple. If you need a valid reason to distance yourself from bigoted family members, saying “I refuse to expose my children to your prejudices. Goodbye!” might suffice.
Others shared similar sentiments, expressing gratitude for the time spent away from their in-laws, seeing it as a blessing to protect their children from uneducated, racist influences.
When it comes to our own parents, the realization that they hold such harmful beliefs can be shattering. How can the people who raised us say such things? How do we allow our children to have relationships with grandparents who exhibit clear racist tendencies?
For some, the pain runs deeper. “My husband has become increasingly racist since the political landscape shifted. It makes me question our marriage,” shared one woman. Another lamented the loss of friendships with individuals who support racist ideologies, unable to comprehend how they can prioritize economic concerns over the suffering of people of color.
It’s a grim reality that many have faced: discovering that those they once considered friends or family have fallen into the rabbit hole of racist beliefs. While it might be easier to cut ties with acquaintances, the emotional toll of losing a friend is often much heavier.
So, thank you for exposing this ugly truth. We’ve got a long way to go, but acknowledging the problem is the first step toward change. For family and friends, we must evaluate our relationships. Can we engage in meaningful conversations? Is it worth maintaining contact, or do we need to say goodbye? These questions don’t have easy answers, but remember, if your relationships have been strained by the wave of hate, you’re not alone.
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Summary
This article delves into the painful reality of discovering racism within our families and close relationships, highlighting the internal conflict many face when dealing with loved ones who hold prejudiced views. It emphasizes the importance of evaluating these relationships, whether to try and educate or to cut ties for the sake of personal integrity and the well-being of future generations.