I Never Imagined I’d Be a Solo Mom

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Let me be upfront: I never envisioned myself raising a child alongside a partner. In fact, I never really imagined myself as a parent at all.

As a child, my playtime revolved around pretending to be a rock star, a news anchor, or a bestselling author delivering an inspiring speech; I never played with dolls or fantasized about motherhood. The concept of a pretend wedding was completely lost on me during my elementary school years.

When my son came into my life, it was a delightful surprise. A wondrous, magical surprise. I am grateful that my life deviated from my initial plans. The universe clearly knew I needed him, and every day I’m in awe that I have the privilege of nurturing his imaginative spirit.

However, this unexpected journey into motherhood has left me feeling somewhat lost. Maybe that’s the reality for all parents—imagine how much easier it would be if babies arrived with user manuals.

On top of that, I’m not just a single mom; I’m a solo mom. This means I don’t get a break on weekends or have anyone to help with discipline or offer support when I’m having a tough day. While I’m lucky to have my mom around, it’s not the same as sharing responsibilities with a partner who is equally invested.

My son’s biological father is from Ireland and resides in Dublin. Our love blossomed while I was exploring Europe, but I refer to him as a co-creator rather than a father—titles are earned, not given by biology. When I shared my pregnancy news and he chose to disengage, he earned the title of coward instead.

The Challenges of Being a Solo Mom

Being a solo mom can be incredibly tough. Beyond the obvious challenges like finances and responsibilities, there’s the emotional impact of being around mothers who are not in my situation. I often find myself at places like swimming lessons or school events, surrounded by co-parenting couples—two people supporting their child together.

I’ve never known that dynamic. It’s always been just me. Alone. No one to lean on or share in the excitement of my son’s achievements. Just me.

Watching women who have supportive partners makes me feel like I’m witnessing something extraterrestrial. That’s how foreign the idea seems to me.

Yet, I remind myself that my perception of their relationships might be as unrealistic as a wrestling match. They might not be the perfect partners I imagine; they may just be roommates sharing responsibilities and intimacy on a schedule.

Nonetheless, having someone to celebrate my son’s milestones with would be a cherished experience. To have someone to confide in and share life’s ups and downs with would feel like a blessing. I’ve never experienced that kind of companionship.

Embracing Independence

That said, I don’t want anyone to pity me. I value my independence and have never been one to seek validation through relationships. I don’t need a partner to feel important or fulfilled. I’m strong enough to stand on my own without relying on someone else for emotional or financial support.

This doesn’t mean I’m bitter; love is a beautiful thing when you find the right person. Unfortunately, not everyone has that luck.

For me, my person is my son. No other role has ever made me feel as cherished as being his mom. It’s a title that will always belong to me.

A Unique Perspective

Recently, my son overheard someone say, “I don’t know how you manage on your own.” Later, he asked me, “Mom, aren’t you glad you’re a solo mom?” When I probed further, he explained, “If I had a dad living with us, we wouldn’t get to spend so much time together. He’d probably feel left out because I love it being just the two of us.”

He had a point. Nobody talks about the perks of being a solo mom. I get to make decisions about our lives, and I never miss a moment with him. He runs to me when he’s scared or needs advice. He shares everything about his day with me.

While it might sound selfish, there’s a beauty in our dynamic as a duo—a team. I get to be his number one, and he gets to be mine.

As a meme I recently saw put it: “Any woman can be a mother, but it takes a badass woman to be a father, too.”

Resources for Solo Moms

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Conclusion

In summary, while I never anticipated being a solo mom, I embrace my role with gratitude and pride. Despite the challenges, the bond I share with my son is irreplaceable, and I cherish every moment we have together.