Leaving My Nursing Career Behind

After spending a decade in the profession, I have supported patients through their most vulnerable moments—holding hands, comforting the grieving, and performing life-saving procedures. I’ve drawn blood, managed IVs, and faced the emotional highs and lows of caring for those in need. I entered nursing as a way to cope with my own trauma and to help others, but the past year has taken a toll on my mental health.

My Journey in Nursing

For five years, I worked in home health, caring for terminally ill uranium miners while enjoying the slower pace. Yet, I longed for the challenges and fast pace of critical care, so I took an on-call position at a local hospital. Then COVID-19 struck.

My workplace is a small rural hospital in Western Colorado, surrounded by stunning landscapes. When the pandemic hit, I left home health to work full time at the hospital, feeling relieved to protect the most vulnerable. However, the lack of personal protective equipment (PPE) made every shift a gamble. I was given a poorly fitting N95 mask and feared bringing the virus home to my children.

The Impact of the Pandemic

As the pandemic escalated, I faced overwhelming patient loads. My coworkers and I were stretched thin, and despite our best efforts, many patients died alone. The emotional weight was immense. Days blurred together, with exhaustion setting in after shifts filled with chaos. I often questioned my decision to stay in this field, feeling like a shadow of my former self.

During this time, I experienced exposure to the virus and had to quarantine without paid sick leave, despite being a healthcare worker. I returned to a nurse’s station filled with COVID-positive patients and zero support staff. My N95 mask became a symbol of my struggles, and I often found myself in tears, questioning the value of my sacrifices.

Facing Challenges and Making Choices

When the hospital began offering limited bonuses, it felt like a slap in the face compared to the risks we were taking. I considered quitting but felt compelled to continue for my family and my patients. Yet, the stress and lack of resources proved too much. After filing an OSHA complaint regarding unsafe working conditions, I was ultimately fired for minor infractions.

In that moment, I realized I had the power to choose my path forward. I began to see that my happiness was something I had given away in the toxic environment of the hospital. Shortly after my dismissal, I was offered another job, but I declined, knowing I needed a break.

The Need for Change in Healthcare

Nursing is predominantly a female profession, and the systemic issues within healthcare often reflect a lack of respect for women. This experience has shown me that until we prioritize the well-being of nurses and address the culture of intimidation, the healthcare system will continue to falter. The pandemic has been traumatic, but the real change must come from within the system itself.

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Conclusion

In summary, the challenges faced during the pandemic have led many healthcare professionals, including myself, to reevaluate our paths. The toll of emotional and physical strain has prompted a necessary conversation about the future of nursing and the systemic changes needed to support those who dedicate their lives to caring for others.