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On a bright autumn afternoon, my partner was involved in a road-rage shooting incident. Miraculously, he survived, as did our four children who were in the vehicle but thankfully unhurt. The entire experience was shocking and surreal; it felt like something out of a news report that would never happen to me. I quickly discovered just how unprepared I was for a crisis when it actually occurred.
In the days that followed the shooting, I found myself navigating a maze of insurance companies, police reports, and reporters. My partner was discharged from the hospital the same day and soon left for a business trip. Despite being physically injured, he remained mentally strong, trusting the legal system to handle the perpetrators. However, I was left traumatized and anxious. The shooting wasn’t just a wake-up call about safety; it made me acutely aware of how little I knew about managing our family’s finances.
After 13 years of marriage and raising four children, my partner had always handled our financial matters. I merely signed documents when necessary and never thought to inquire about our mortgage, car loans, or investment accounts. I had no idea of the balances in our accounts or who to contact for information. My ignorance about our finances felt just as frightening as the shooting itself.
Lying awake at night, I couldn’t help but think, “What would I have done if he hadn’t made it?” He had bullet wounds; this was not a drill. I could have been left alone with our children, utterly clueless about how to manage our household. He took care of everything, from paying bills to managing investments. I didn’t even have access to his email account. As a self-employed individual, there was no employer to turn to for a final paycheck or insurance payout. What would become of his business? Would I have to sell it? The questions were overwhelming.
He had mentioned life insurance, but how much did we have? Would it cover our mortgage? What were our monthly expenses? I felt lost and utterly foolish. How had I let myself become so uninformed?
My partner isn’t a traditionalist who believes a woman’s place is solely in the home. He just takes care of our family’s needs, while I manage our household. If something were to happen to me, he would struggle with things like school schedules and medical records. However, those tasks are much simpler compared to unraveling our financial situation without any documents to guide me. Everything was stored digitally on his computer, and I had no access to it. This was terrifying.
Our lives had to change. He needed to adopt a new perspective. Instead of letting our finances run on autopilot, I wanted to understand our financial situation more thoroughly. Before, he would give me money when I asked, but I had no real insight into our shared accounts. We have joint finances, but even while I was working, we managed our money separately. Although I preferred it that way, I now realized I needed to have a clearer picture of our household expenses.
I don’t hold him entirely responsible; I share the blame. I never inquired about our financial matters. As long as the bills were paid and the lights were on, I assumed everything was fine. Ignorance was bliss, and I had no reason to worry because he never asked me to. We were both somewhat negligent; he didn’t have any of my passwords either, not that I had much to worry about aside from a few bills.
We are still working on getting our financial life organized. I have gathered the necessary information about our mortgage and car payments. He knows how to access the cable bill online, and I’ve compiled a list of our children’s doctors and their medications. However, we still need a will, advanced medical directives, and designated guardians for our children in case something happens to us. I have strong feelings about how I want my life to be celebrated after I’m gone, but none of it is documented.
No one should find themselves in a state of panic when disaster strikes. Couples should share financial knowledge openly; both partners should have access to each other’s accounts and passwords. My partner would never want me to be left in the dark if he were no longer here. He would want me to feel secure and capable of caring for our children. We always thought there would be time to discuss these matters later, but we learned the hard way that it’s essential to be prepared.
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Summary
This article discusses a life-altering incident that led to a realization about the importance of understanding household finances. The author reflects on her ignorance regarding financial management and the need for open communication between partners about financial matters. The experience has sparked a desire for better organization and preparedness for any future crises.