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Everyone experiences anxiety at some point, whether they recognize it or not. We all worry about trivial things like taking exams or going on a first date, as well as significant concerns such as becoming a parent or a loved one falling ill. Before seeking therapy, I believed that my anxiety was just a typical human response. Initially, I sought therapy to address feelings surrounding a potential divorce; after 12 years with someone, impartial perspectives from friends are hard to come by. In therapy, I discovered that my struggles were more than just confusion or a busy mind.
I was acquainted with the terms anxiety and depression but would never have applied them to myself. I thought my anxiety was merely a part of adult life. As my mom used to say, “we come from a line of worriers.” I assumed that not having contemplated ending my life meant I was not depressed.
However, I learned that my experiences were not typical. Coming home from work and immediately retreating to bed to binge-watch TV every night? Not normal. Feeling unworthy of happiness or excitement in life? Not normal. Worrying incessantly about upcoming events to the point where I couldn’t enjoy life? Definitely not normal—especially when I had so much joy, like my daughter bundled in a cute onesie with a bow.
I hoped that once I received this diagnosis, a clear path to feeling better would emerge. After all, that’s what happens when you visit a doctor, right? You get the right treatment and you’re healed. I quickly realized that mental health is not that straightforward. While I acquired tools to manage my anxiety, I learned that those feelings can resurface at any moment, lurking behind my active thoughts, ready to strike when I’m vulnerable.
There are moments I forget about my anxiety. When I’m thriving at work, pushing my limits at the gym, and planning fun activities with my daughter, I feel capable of tackling anything. But then, if I stay up late to finish a movie, the anxiety takes the wheel the next day. If I don’t contribute enough in a meeting, I question my competence. If my daughter watches TV while I tidy up, I panic that I’m failing as a parent. If my partner checks in on me, I worry he’s unhappy and will leave, just as others have. I know these thoughts aren’t true, but anxiety overrides logic.
When certain triggers activate, panic attacks follow, and by “fun,” I mean pure chaos. They strike when I’m already anxious, adding another layer to the sensation. Suddenly, I feel encased in a bubble, isolated from the world—everything becomes hazy and muffled, and my mind turns to darkness and pain. Though these experiences pass, they can feel eternal.
Fortunately, such attacks are infrequent. They often resurface during challenging times, like my divorce or the sudden loss of my beloved pet. However, therapy has equipped me with coping tools. Finding time to meditate can help ease my anxiety, and music has proven effective. I created a soothing Spotify playlist to play when my anxiety escalates, and if I catch it early, it can calm the storm.
John Mayer’s song “Emoji of a Wave” captures the ups and downs of relationships, but I’ve adopted the chorus to remind myself during anxious moments: “Oh honey, it’s just a wave, and I know that when it comes, I just hold on.” While music works for me, it may not suit everyone. My hope in sharing this is to connect with others who might feel alone. If you ever feel overwhelmed, please reach out for help. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone.
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Summary
This article discusses the author’s journey with anxiety, highlighting how she initially dismissed her struggles as normal. Through therapy, she learned her experiences were not typical and faced the complexities of managing anxiety and panic attacks. The importance of coping mechanisms, such as music and meditation, is emphasized, along with a message of seeking help. The goal is to connect with others experiencing similar issues, encouraging them to reach out for support.