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This past weekend, I settled into my partner’s swivel chair to finish up an article when I noticed a stack of photos next to his monitor. They had been there since we got together a year ago.
I had browsed through them a couple of times before, but I decided to take another look. The top two photos featured us, taken during a recent camping trip and another by the lake with friends. Below those were some photo strips of him with his male friends. Then I came across the two photos I was hesitant to see, but, like when you can’t help but scroll through your partner’s ex on social media, I lingered.
One showed him with his ex-girlfriend and another woman, while the other was a small Polaroid of just the two of them, both looking incredibly happy, her arms wrapped around him.
I turned to him, who was lying in bed nearby. “Why are these here?” I asked.
“I thought about hanging them up,” he replied, yawning.
“All of these? You want to feature a picture of you and your ex?” I held up the Polaroid for him to see.
“Well, I don’t know… I hadn’t given it much thought, but maybe.”
I examined the picture again, then looked back at him. He got up and came over, peering at the photo over my shoulder. We both stared at it in silence, and as I waited for him to jokingly dismiss the idea, my frustration started to build.
Finally, I said “Okay,” with a hint of irritation. It felt like he was testing me. I stood up and handed him the photo.
“I don’t have to hang it if you’re uncomfortable. I just thought it was a nice memory,” he said, tossing it back into the pile.
I moved to the other side of the room, turning to face him again. “But you’re not even friends anymore. Why does she deserve a spot on your wall?”
“I’m not really friends with these people either,” he countered, grabbing another photo of him with some friends wearing silly hats. “I don’t talk to them, but it was still a good time I want to remember.”
His logic made sense, and my frustration simmered even more. I had to pull out my final argument, one I hesitated to make because it felt a bit childish. “How would you feel if I put up a picture of me and my ex?”
He was ready for that. “I might feel a little weird, especially if that was the only picture you had up. But if it was just one of many, I’d probably be okay with it.”
I sighed. Most people would be uncomfortable with their partner displaying a picture of an ex, but knowing that didn’t ease my feelings. I thought about possibly putting up photos of my own past relationships but quickly dismissed the idea since I wasn’t fully over my most recent breakup.
However, I considered the idea of older relationships. I enjoyed revisiting those memories on social media, so why not display a few memories on my wall? I appreciated those past experiences. Just because my partner had cherished moments with his ex didn’t mean he loved me any less.
In the end, I realized that his lingering feelings for an ex didn’t necessarily indicate issues between us. Acknowledging that he once loved someone else didn’t diminish what we had. Perhaps it was time to accept this and recognize my insecurities.
“Like I said,” he added, gently stroking my hair, “if it bothers you, I don’t have to hang it up.”
“I’m not sure I’m comfortable with it, but I think I understand,” I replied, managing a half-smile. “Let’s revisit this in a year when you finally decide to hang up those photos.”
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Summary:
The author grapples with her partner’s desire to display a photo of his ex in their shared space. After an initial reaction of discomfort, she reflects on her feelings and the nature of past relationships, ultimately recognizing that her partner’s love for someone else does not diminish his love for her. She suggests revisiting the conversation at a later time while acknowledging her insecurities.