We’re Setting Our Kids Up for the Same Burnout We’re Experiencing

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“I feel like I’m letting my kids down.” That’s how a conversation kicked off with a friend who needed to share her feelings with someone who understood. Even before she spoke those words, I could sense the fatigue and concern in her voice. Yet, at that moment, I wasn’t ready to admit that I felt the same way.

Just a week later, I found myself telling her, “My kids are going to struggle in kindergarten because of me. I can’t manage everything.” The pandemic forced me to voice feelings I had previously kept bottled up: “I can’t do this.” Before everything changed, I believed I could juggle it all. While I can’t claim I did it perfectly, I would never have acknowledged needing help. As long as I got things done, I felt capable. In a piece for the New York Times, writer Anne Helen Petersen describes the unique strain of parenting during the pandemic: “You’re managing the household while ensuring masks are clean, Zoom schedules are adhered to, and trying to balance screen time just to survive the day.”

The Pressure to Handle Everything

But why do parents, myself included, feel the pressure to handle everything? Society compels us to. Scrolling through perfectly curated Instagram feeds, it seems that everyone else is managing effortlessly—so we should be able to, right?

But let’s be honest; those images don’t show the laundry piling up or the dishes left unwashed. The notion that we must “do it all” is a mirage, and it’s time we acknowledge just how unrealistic it is. This expectation is contributing to widespread burnout, and it’s perfectly okay to voice that struggle. Repeat after me: I am burned out.

Breaking the Cycle of Exhaustion

We’re exhausted from the endless tasks on our to-do lists. We feel like we can’t take a break, driven by the urge to provide our kids with a sense of normalcy—even in a pandemic. In her article “How Burnout Became the Norm for American Parents,” Petersen highlights that many parents are managing two full-time jobs, often sacrificing sleep and personal time to fulfill these roles. We’re worn out from wanting tidy homes and manicured yards. We hesitate to ask for help, fearing judgment or feeling that we can’t afford it.

This exhausting cycle is one we’ve created for ourselves, and the only escape is to admit that we’re tired and that it’s okay not to have it all together. We worry that if we take a step back, we’ll be judged by our employers, partners, and kids’ teachers. The internal criticism can be relentless; it’s time to silence that voice. As parents, we must choose to navigate life differently. It may require more effort to advocate for ourselves, but our mental well-being is at stake.

The Importance of Self-Care

Taking time outdoors, as noted in a New York Times article by Jessica Grose, can significantly boost our mental clarity and reduce anxiety. Even a short walk outside can refresh your mind, despite the weather. Once you recognize your burnout, check in with your kids—perhaps they need a break, too. Show them that it’s acceptable to unwind, even if it means letting the dishes sit or not tackling every email. They should see that taking a moment for yourself is not just okay, but necessary.

If we don’t allow ourselves that space—if we continue to let the laundry accumulate, order takeout instead of cooking, and limit our kids’ activities—then we’re passing down a legacy of exhaustion. We don’t need to normalize this cycle for the next generation; let’s show them that we can take necessary breaks. You might be doing yourself a favor, but your kids will also gain from this healthier mindset.

Further Insights and Resources

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Summary

The pressures of modern parenting, intensified by societal expectations and the pandemic, have led many parents to experience profound burnout. Acknowledging this struggle is crucial for both our well-being and that of our children. By taking necessary breaks and prioritizing self-care, we can set a healthier example for the next generation.