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I found myself at the dentist’s office with my two sons, ages 9 and 7. My eldest, particularly sensitive to medical situations, has a history that makes appointments a source of distress. When he was just 5, a mysterious illness landed him in the hospital for a week filled with needles and IVs. Though he emerged physically unscathed, the emotional scars have lingered. To this day, he feels anxious about any medical visit, even routine check-ups that I assure him won’t involve needles. During this particular dental appointment, his anxiety was palpable, especially during the x-ray process. At one point, the dental hygienist inquired, “Is he on medication for anxiety?”
Caught off guard, I answered honestly, “No,” and shared his medical history, explaining how it contributed to his unease during this visit. However, I began to recognize that his anxiety extended beyond medical settings. He frequently exhibited nervousness, fidgeting, and various tics, leading me to wonder for a time, “What’s wrong with my son?”
After that dental visit, I shifted my perspective. Instead of questioning my son’s well-being, I considered the world we live in. I realized there was nothing wrong with him; rather, he was acutely aware of the challenges surrounding him. As parents, my partner and I have strived to raise empathetic children who care deeply about others, and clearly, we’ve succeeded. His anxiety was a reflection of his sensitivity and awareness.
In just ten months, he faced wildfires that forced evacuations from both his school and home, significant losses in our community, and a school shooting that led to a lockdown at his school. Additionally, he grappled with a friendship breakdown and a growing comprehension of climate change. Experiencing all that and not feeling anxious would be more concerning. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, the COVID-19 pandemic hit, and my son gained a deeper understanding of the Black Lives Matter movement, a reality particularly poignant for him as the son of a Black father. His anxieties manifested physically as he started pulling out his hair.
Yet, I no longer questioned, “What’s wrong with my child?” because the answer was clear: nothing. He was simply processing the world.
By affirming that my son’s feelings were normal and discussing this perspective with friends facing similar concerns about their children, I felt a sense of release. This allowed me to focus on fostering a nurturing environment for our family. We initiated open conversations about the state of the world, emphasizing stories of hope, especially in relation to Black America. “Where is the joy?” he asked one day. “I need more joy,” he said, prompting us to seek it out.
We discovered an engaging Black Innovators course on Outschool for him and organized Imagination Exercise sessions with his aunt, a Buddhist translator who guides him through calming meditation practices. We also made it a point to enjoy outdoor activities together, from park walks to jogs and tree climbing, and engaging in community cleanup efforts.
Empowering my son to take action against the issues he sees has been crucial, as helplessness can exacerbate anxiety. He created a video game, pledging to donate 25% of the proceeds to Black Lives Matter and another 25% to COVID relief funds. Currently, he is researching homelessness in our community and developing a project based on his findings.
His hair is growing back, and I see fewer bald spots. He’s laughing more. While the world still presents countless challenges, my child is not one of them. His empathy and concern for others embody what is good and right in the world. My son is all right.
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