My Son Prioritizes His Girlfriend Over Me, and I’m Okay With It

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My eldest son, Jake, fell head over heels in love about a year ago. He kept it pretty much under wraps, but I could hear him chatting away on FaceTime with a girl from his room. Whenever I asked him about her, he would just clam up, so I took it upon myself to dig a little deeper.

I admit, I did some snooping. I eavesdropped a few times and even checked out her Facebook. Now, unless you’ve had a teenager who’s smitten and refuses to share any details about this new person occupying their thoughts and space, you can’t judge me. If you’ve managed to avoid such detective work, good for you! I’m not ashamed of wanting to glimpse into my son’s world, even if he doesn’t know about my little investigations.

Fast forward a year, and when I finally met her, my first thought was, “Wow, she’s just like me!” She’s a little assertive, appreciates cleanliness, and is an early riser with a strong work ethic. After seeing Jake’s messy room, she took it upon herself to clean it up and even asked me for a garbage can and hamper for his space.

Of course, I agreed. “It’s great that you cleaned his room,” I said. “But good luck keeping it that way. I’ve been trying for years to get him to pick up after himself. He doesn’t even keep sheets on his bed.”

Jake claimed he was doing better because she had helped him clear out the junk under his bed, resulting in four garbage bags of trash being tossed. Guess what? Ever since that day, he’s kept his room tidy.

He’s even started going to bed early and waking up early. I used to wake up in the middle of the night and see his light still on, only to remind him to get back to bed. Now, he’s all dressed up in floral shirts, khaki joggers, and bright white Air Force 1s that practically blind me!

He’s getting regular haircuts now and showering more often. The scent of cologne has replaced the musty odor that used to linger in his room. He’s even started putting his clothes in the actual hamper rather than leaving them on the floor!

Jake used to turn his nose up at the sandwiches I made for school, but now he loves the same ham and cheese ones she prepares for him and conveniently drops off at work. Apparently, her sandwiches are better than mine!

Sure, part of this transformation is simply him growing up. However, I realize that in some ways, I’ve been replaced. To him, I’m the old mom who’s no fun, while she’s the exciting girlfriend he adores. Naturally, her words carry more weight, even when we say the same things.

I haven’t mentioned that he started keeping his room clean after her one afternoon of organizing. I’ve refrained from reminding him of the countless hours I spent trying to encourage better hygiene and a more varied wardrobe. I also haven’t pointed out that his girlfriend shares many of my traits, like her affinity for order and her early bedtime.

It hasn’t been easy, but I can hold my tongue. This is just part of watching our children grow up, and I’m happy to see Jake thriving. They have a solid relationship built on mutual respect and genuine friendship.

If the trade-off for this happiness is watching him engage in activities he’d never do with me—like making sushi together, going fishing, and shopping—I’m okay with it. My role is to support my son, not hinder his happiness, even if it means seeing him enjoy things I’ve tried to encourage for years.

I won’t deny that it stings a little, but voicing that sentiment wouldn’t benefit either of us.

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Summary:

In this heartfelt piece, a mother reflects on how her son has changed since he started dating his girlfriend. While initially feeling replaced, she acknowledges the positive transformations in his life and embraces the fact that her son is growing up and thriving. The author recognizes the importance of supporting his happiness, even if it means stepping back from their previous routines together.