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I Want More Friends Who Accept the Chaos
by Jessica Green
Updated: May 7, 2021
Originally Published: May 7, 2021
It was a typical day at home, with my youngest nestled snugly in a wrap on my back while my middle child, Leo, was just four years old. We gathered at Mia’s house—our go-to spot for mom gatherings where our kids could roam wild while we chatted. There were about five or six of us, including Sarah. We ushered the kids out into the yard, a lively crew ranging from ages seven to three. The youngest played in the sand, while the older ones engaged in a game of tag. Our focus was mainly on the occasional cries signaling someone got hurt.
I can’t recall the specifics of our conversation—perhaps we discussed our children, the latest yarn trends, baby carriers, or how to deal with the smudges on the wall from permanent markers. Mia’s place was inherently lived-in; dirty dishes piled in the sink, laundry spilling out of the room. We lounged comfortably on the couch, nursing infants and sometimes letting our own bodies breathe.
Then, the back door swung open, and Leo stormed in with a troupe of children trailing behind him. Proudly clutching a shovel, he exclaimed, “I DUG UP A DEAD CAT!” before dumping a pile of bones onto the kitchen floor.
I was momentarily paralyzed in shock.
My friends erupted into laughter.
I Want More Friends Who Embrace the Chaos
Mia, Sarah, and the others are my real friends. They’ve seen my mess—both literal and metaphorical. They laughed when Leo dumped those cat bones in the living room, a testament to our shared chaos. A friend who embraces the mess doesn’t judge; instead, they say, “Your chaos? Let me show you mine, and we’ll bond even more.”
These friends accept your quirks, whether it’s your taste in music or your dinner choices. They might tease you about how your husband does most of the cooking, but they understand the struggle is real. They don’t blame you when your kids act like kids—drawing on walls or getting into trouble. When Leo ends up with marker on his face, you comfort him, shrugging it off with a simple, “Eh. Kids will be kids.”
They Cherish Your Kids
These friends adore your children for who they are, quirks and all. They don’t see your kids as mere accessories; they celebrate their uniqueness. When Leo dumped those bones, my friends laughed because they knew he wanted to be a paleontologist. They remember which baby carriers my youngest preferred and that my oldest often teams up with Mia’s oldest for mischief.
True friends celebrate your kids as much as you do. They laugh at the silly things, like when their child sings, “My butt, my butt, my butt is in the circus!” You treasure those moments, even years later. You admire their kids’ choices, whether it’s fashion or imaginary play. You share photos of your children together, creating memories that last a lifetime.
And it’s reciprocal; these friends take the time to connect with your children, who, in turn, know they are loved. When you arrive, your kids bolt inside, calling out to their friends, knowing the rules of the house because these are the friends you visit regularly.
I Long for More Friends Like That
Life shifts, and friends drift apart. Currently, I have just one friend who embraces the chaos with me. Now that our kids are older, we talk about more than just baby stuff. We can share stories about our kids growing up and swap gossip, and I can confide in her about things I wouldn’t share with just anyone.
Megan even cleaned my house once without asking—true friendship! After being vaccinated, hers was the first place I visited, and I gleefully exclaimed, “I’M TOUCHING YOUR COUNTERS!” She laughed along, a true friend who gets it.
I can name her pets and know her favorite book series. She’s given my kids farm-fresh eggs, which they now insist are superior to store-bought ones, and they adore her kids. I miss having more friends like that, but I’ll take one fantastic friend over a multitude of casual acquaintances any day. I apologize for calling them “dead cat friends,” Megan; hope Mrs. Whiskers forgives me!
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In summary, having friends who accept the chaos of life, kids, and everything in between brings comfort and joy. They celebrate each other’s families and help each other navigate the messiness of parenthood.