Platonic Marriages: An Age-Old Concept Reimagined

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“First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes the baby in the baby carriage.” This familiar rhyme, sung during childhood, implies a traditional path for relationships. However, the concept of marriage isn’t confined to heteronormative ideals. Among the diverse array of relationship forms, platonic marriages are emerging as a notable trend. Today’s younger generations are discovering the value of companionship without the constraints of romance.

As highlighted in a recent article from the New York Times, “Some individuals are taking friendships to a new level by entering into platonic marriages, promising to stand by each other through thick and thin.” These couples often find a deep compatibility that allows them to establish a partnership based on mutual understanding and clear guidelines, free from the haze of romantic feelings. Many embark on this journey to maintain a family life that is distinct from their romantic pursuits, especially when those romantic relationships feel unstable.

What Is a Platonic Marriage?

A platonic marriage, akin to platonic love, is a friendship-based relationship between two individuals—whether they are of the same or different genders. This type of union is devoid of sexual intimacy and is instead rooted in companionship, trust, and mutual respect. As marriage and couples counselor, Jamie Rivera, explains, “A platonic marriage is fundamentally a non-sexual commitment.”

Can Any Marriage Transition to a Platonic One?

Yes, any marriage can evolve into a platonic one, provided both partners agree to the shift. According to relationship expert Maya Bennett, “Couples can consciously choose to embrace a platonic marriage from the beginning, or they may find their relationship transitioning in that direction over time.” Various factors might lead to this change, such as a decline in sexual intimacy or a partner’s realization of their sexual orientation. The key is that both individuals must be on board with this new arrangement.

The Historical Context of Platonic Marriages

While the precise origins of platonic marriages are hard to pinpoint, the notion has historical roots. In the 15th century, scholar Marsilio Ficino introduced the idea of amor platonicus, or platonic love, emphasizing a love that transcends the physical. Additionally, the Catholic Church acknowledged similar concepts through what they termed Josephite marriages.

The Prevalence of Platonic Marriages

Data on platonic marriages is scarce, but a previous National Health and Social Life Survey indicated that around 2% of married respondents had not engaged in sexual intimacy for a year. This implies that a small percentage of couples may already be experiencing or could soon find themselves in a platonic relationship.

Why Would Friends Choose to Marry?

There are numerous advantages to platonic marriage. Beyond the emotional benefits of companionship and commitment, such marriages can offer practical advantages like financial stability. Maya Bennett notes, “Platonic marriages create a purposeful family structure, often characterized by reduced jealousy and a deeper sense of connection compared to traditional marriages.” For asexual, aromantic, pansexual, and some polyamorous couples, this form of marriage can be particularly appealing. Furthermore, for couples seeking to transition their relationship into a platonic one, it can serve as a viable alternative to divorce, allowing them to maintain their bond without sexual intimacy.

Do Platonic Marriages Work?

When both partners have a clear understanding of their relationship’s dynamics and establish open communication, platonic marriages can not only function but thrive. As therapist Leah Mason emphasizes, “[If] both individuals clearly communicate their expectations and are flexible in addressing any arising conflicts, who’s to say it won’t be successful?”

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Summary

Platonic marriages offer a unique alternative to traditional relationships, focusing on companionship and commitment without the complications of sexual intimacy. This arrangement can suit various individuals, including those who identify as asexual or queer, and can serve as a practical solution for couples wishing to maintain their bond without romantic involvement.

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