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It’s 7:28 am on a Sunday morning. After a long night of tending to my restless 11-month-old and my special-needs, nearly four-year-old, I woke up with a throbbing headache and a wave of motherly guilt. As I hear the comforting sounds of my husband downstairs, happily preparing pancakes, I feel the pull to return to sleep. But deep-seated conditioning keeps me from doing so.
As I make my way downstairs, my husband greets me with a gentle reminder that I should still be resting. “I felt guilty for sleeping longer,” I admit, and suddenly I’m confronted with a question: Why does this guilt weigh so heavily on me?
The answer is clear: religious trauma. Growing up, I was surrounded by strict religious beliefs that shaped my every thought and action. This indoctrination encouraged a life of constant service and self-sacrifice, especially for women. I learned to prioritize others’ needs above my own, even to the extent of suppressing my own exhaustion and well-being.
From a young age, I was taught that productivity was a virtue and that sleeping in was a sign of laziness. I internalized these messages so deeply that even when my body craved rest, I felt compelled to jump out of bed to fulfill my role as a caregiver and a “good” woman. The pressure to embody the ideal of a selfless servant still lingers, pushing me to take on responsibilities that often lead to burnout.
The effects of this religious upbringing manifest in various ways—panic attacks, hyper-vigilance, and even dread during family gatherings. The holidays, once joyful occasions, now often leave me feeling overwhelmed and emotionally drained. My therapist and I work through these feelings regularly, helping me unearth the roots of my trauma and cultivate a healthier relationship with myself.
The journey of leaving behind these harmful beliefs is challenging, yet it’s been transformative. I’m learning that taking care of myself—like prioritizing sleep—is just as essential as nurturing my children. Next weekend, I’m committing to a new self-care goal: allowing myself the luxury of a Sunday sleep-in.
Here’s to embracing rest and recovery, especially for those of us who have navigated the challenges of religious trauma!
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Summary: This article reflects on the impact of a strict religious upbringing on personal well-being, specifically discussing feelings of guilt associated with self-care and the need for rest. The author, Jamie Ellis, shares her journey of recognizing these patterns and prioritizing her mental health while navigating motherhood.