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While pursuing my master’s degree in music performance, I was awarded a highly sought-after scholarship for the Aspen Music Festival in Colorado. The moment I learned of my selection, I was taken aback — and I worried that those familiar with my playing felt the same way. I questioned whether the judges had made an error, convinced that there were many more talented musicians than myself. Even though I tried to maintain my composure, feelings of unworthiness lingered.
At the festival, my insecurities were only reinforced when a fellow violist remarked that she believed I deserved the scholarship, despite what “others” said. It felt as if she had ripped my insides out. I returned to my dorm, crying uncontrollably, and the following day, I experienced a panic attack during my lesson. From that point forward, I avoided performing solo in front of an audience. The approval of the judges meant little when I felt undermined by my peers’ hidden criticisms.
The human ego can be quite complex — it can inspire confidence, breed insecurity, or fuel unwarranted arrogance. Criticism, depending on where our self-esteem lies and who delivers it, can deeply impact us. At the time of receiving the Aspen scholarship, I hadn’t yet learned to distinguish which criticisms were worth my attention. My self-worth was tied to my skills and how others perceived them, leading me to mistakenly take all criticism to heart.
Evaluate the Source of Criticism
Some argue that the only opinion that truly matters is your own, but I disagree. We exist within families, communities, and social circles, where our actions influence those around us. We all have at least one person in our lives whose opinion is significant to us. If my partner critiques me, I know it’s for a valid reason, as I trust their judgment, just as I do with my sister, my mom, my kids, my writing partner, and my supervisors.
So, trying to dismiss everyone’s opinions could lead to frustration. It’s essential to determine who in your life has the right to express criticism that you’ll genuinely consider. For instance, strangers online may send messages telling me I’m a terrible writer, but I disregard their opinions. Their feedback lacks substance and is often a misguided jab at my abilities.
You might have someone in your life who offers unnecessary criticism that wears you down. This toxicity can lead to self-doubt and cause you to censor yourself, striving to meet their standards to avoid conflict. Remember, their opinions hold no more weight than the random online comments I receive. If someone makes you feel bad about yourself, their criticism does not deserve your attention.
Adopt a Growth Mindset for Constructive Criticism
Determining whose opinions matter is one thing; processing criticism from those we care about without feeling devastated is another. When I first collaborated with my writing partner, her extensive edits on my piece made me feel like I had been torn apart. I had to shift my perspective, realizing that she aimed to help me grow as a writer and wanted my work to resonate with readers. Her critiques were just her opinions, and I didn’t have to accept every suggestion.
After taking a moment to recover from my initial shock, I recognized that my writing journey is about improvement, not perfection. My work does not define me, and there is always room to grow. It’s normal to feel initially hurt by criticism; we strive to succeed and fear falling short. However, stepping back to assess the situation can help you determine the value of the feedback. Should you care about this person’s opinion? If the answer is yes, remember they want to see you succeed. So, gather yourself and consider how to use their constructive criticism as a tool for growth.
This viewpoint embraces the idea that no one can criticize your desire to enhance yourself.
For further insights into navigating criticism, check out our other blog posts here.
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Summary:
Navigating criticism can be challenging, especially when it comes from those we respect. It’s vital to discern whose opinions matter, focusing on constructive feedback rather than negative remarks from unimportant sources. Approaching criticism with an open mind can lead to personal growth and improve our skills.