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If you’ve gone through a divorce and still grapple with feelings of guilt or shame over wanting what you desire, you might be falling prey to some common misconceptions that undermine your self-worth. Here are four myths about divorce that could be holding you back—myths that you can challenge.
Myth #1: Wanting What You Want is Selfish.
Many of us grew up with the idea that women should be selfless, prioritizing the needs of others above their own. Messages like these were ingrained in me from childhood, particularly in a religious setting where guilt was prevalent. The narrative often suggested that wanting something for yourself equated to selfishness.
This mindset likely persisted into your marriage, making you feel guilty for asking for help or voicing your needs. Did you ever hesitate to ask your partner to share in household responsibilities, fearing you’d be labeled demanding or high-maintenance?
You might still find yourself feeling selfish for not wanting to babysit your grandkids this weekend or for requesting time off at work. Here’s the truth: wanting what you deserve is not a selfish act. It’s a vital part of healing from your divorce and reclaiming your life. No matter what you were taught, prioritizing your needs is empowering and essential for your well-being.
Myth #2: Advocating for Yourself is Narcissistic.
It’s not narcissism to stand up for your own needs after a divorce. If anyone has ever made you feel wrong for wanting something, be it a partner or a family member, remember that their perceptions don’t define your worth.
Asking for what you want is an act of bravery—not a sign of ego. It’s a way of asserting your value in a world that might not always recognize it. So, go ahead and tell those who have belittled your desires to take a backseat. You owe it to yourself to voice your needs unapologetically.
Myth #3: It’s Just Too Challenging.
While it may take effort to ask for what you want without feeling the need to apologize or justify it, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. The world is yours to reclaim now that you’re divorced.
Reflect on times you’ve faced challenges—whether it was managing a full course load in college or navigating the complexities of your divorce. You triumphed because you believed in yourself. Advocating for your needs post-divorce is no different. It will require practice and persistence, but it’s a journey worth taking for your own happiness.
Myth #4: You Don’t Deserve It.
Perhaps you carry a burden of feeling that you should be thankful for what you have. These messages often stem from societal norms that pressure us to be content with less. Phrases like “You should just be grateful” can echo in our minds, making us hesitant to ask for more.
But you absolutely deserve to pursue what you want. The idea that you should feel unworthy is rooted in outdated beliefs meant to keep women like you feeling ashamed of their desires. Whether your upbringing taught you to be grateful or society promotes complacency, know that it’s your time to confidently ask for what you need and want.
After all, you deserve this pursuit of happiness, especially if you’re dealing with feelings of guilt or shame post-divorce.
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Summary:
In the aftermath of divorce, it’s crucial to challenge the myths that keep you from asking for what you deserve. Recognizing that wanting what you want isn’t selfish or narcissistic, but rather a sign of self-advocacy, is essential. It’s time to break free from the guilt and shame and assert your needs confidently. You absolutely deserve to prioritize your own happiness and well-being.