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As I sat in my car, my legs tucked beneath the steering wheel and a grocery bag precariously in my grip, I felt waves of nausea crash over me. I had pulled into the lot of an old gas station, tears streaming down my face, unable to focus on the road ahead. Just ten minutes into my drive home from a beach getaway with friends, I was overwhelmed. I had left early because my chronic depression had flared up, and I knew what I truly needed — to be home with my family, my dogs, and my bed. The unfamiliar scenery, no matter how beautiful, stirred something deep within me, leading to an emotional release that felt primal.
I quickly texted my therapist, requesting an urgent appointment, then called my partner. When he picked up, all he could hear was my frantic gasps as I struggled to contain my sobs. After a moment of silence, he asked, “What’s happening?” I managed to explain that I was on my way home and that I wasn’t okay.
His response was straightforward: “I don’t understand what you’re going through.” It was honest and unfiltered. Without thinking, I replied, “I don’t need you to understand. I just need you to tell me about the everyday stuff at home.”
He began sharing mundane details: pressure washing the driveway, checking the pool’s chemical levels, and tackling the weeds in the yard. I could visualize the laundry piled high, dishes waiting in the sink, and unmade beds — all would be sorted by the time I returned. With each trivial update, the intensity of my emotions eased. I was no longer screaming or sobbing; I was simply breathing. Eventually, I felt calm enough to drive again. Four hours later, I pulled into my driveway, still breathing, still okay, and finally home.
I was greeted with love (and a request for a $500 scooter from my youngest). When I was ready to discuss my feelings, I found curiosity from my family. How? Because it’s easier to be curious when you lack understanding.
When I became a parent, I was apprehensive about not knowing everything. Sure, I could learn how to use a breast pump through a few Google searches, but the unknowns about life experiences — especially when it came to my children — were daunting. I worried that my own lack of adolescent mischief would hinder my ability to guide my kids through their challenges, especially as they entered their middle school years.
I wasn’t one to engage in reckless behavior as a teenager; my most rebellious act was thinking I was smarter than my parents. I feared that having no firsthand experience with teenage antics would leave me unprepared to help my children navigate tricky situations.
Yet, here’s the beauty of motherhood: sitting on the couch as a child shares a story about their experiences, and you can respond with, “Nope, I’ve never done that. Tell me more.” They can sense your genuine interest, your desire to understand rather than punish. In these moments, you build small blocks of trust. When they feel guilty or anxious, they will remember your willingness to listen.
When your loved ones need you to tackle the mundane tasks, like cleaning up after a pet mishap before the social worker arrives, your knowledge of where the cleaning supplies are located is beneficial. However, most of motherhood encompasses being present for the bigger emotional needs.
When your family seeks support during tough times, sometimes it’s beneficial to admit your lack of understanding. This absence of knowledge fosters deeper connections. It prevents us from doling out unsolicited advice and allows for more meaningful, compassionate inquiries. Sometimes, knowing less can prompt a more authentic form of care. If love is truly about being present, then embracing the unknown can lead to greater understanding.
Not knowing doesn’t equate to a lack of care. Embrace it and wear it as a badge of honor for both you and your loved ones.
For further insights on navigating challenges in parenting, check out this post. Also, if you’re curious about enhancing your fertility journey, Make a Mom is a great resource. For support around pregnancy and home insemination, Drugs.com offers valuable information.
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Summary:
The article explores the importance of being present for loved ones without the pressure of fully understanding their experiences. It emphasizes that sometimes, a lack of knowledge can foster deeper connections and trust, allowing for more meaningful conversations. It highlights the role of curiosity in parenting and encourages embracing the unknown as a way to nurture relationships.