Sex Was a Forbidden Subject in My Home, and I Refuse to Raise My Children That Way

Growing up, I was an overachiever: a straight-A student, a dedicated athlete, and a champion in academic competitions. But beneath that perfect exterior, I harbored a secret—my fascination with boys. I despise the term “boy crazy,” as it implies a stereotype that boys are always fixated on girls. In my household, discussions about teenage romance were strictly off-limits, leaving me unsure if my feelings were normal.

Whenever I brought up a boy, even a friend, my parents were quick to remind me that dating was off the table until I turned 25. As an avid reader, I occasionally stumbled upon books with adult themes, like “The Joy of Sex.” Each time my parents caught wind of my discoveries, those books mysteriously vanished. If we were watching a movie and a sex scene appeared, my mom would swiftly fast-forward, blocking my view. I cleverly positioned myself to catch glimpses of the scenes in a mirror while she was distracted.

First Crushes and Lessons Learned

Starting high school at just 13, I quickly noticed the sea of students around me, many of whom were boys. A friend from the tennis team set me up with her brother’s friend, Alex, who was 16 and had a car. I was thrilled at the prospect of dating an older guy, especially since my only previous experience was a kiss that felt more like an alien encounter. While my parents thought I was at the ice rink, my mom called my friend looking for me, struggling to explain why I was “in the bathroom” for so long. Being grounded only intensified my desire to see Alex again, but soon enough, I realized he was just as inexperienced as I was.

At 14, I attended sleepaway camp for the first time, mainly to improve my tennis skills. There, I developed a crush on one of the counselors, Chris, who was older and charming. Thankfully, he recognized that I was still a child and acted appropriately. I later learned about a Wyoming State Senator who had a similar experience with a girl much younger than him, which made me reflect on how close I had come to a potentially troubling situation.

When I was 16 or 17, I met Greg, who was in my grade but a year younger. We clicked and were aware our high school romance was temporary, so we made the most of our time together. I often told my parents I was going to the library when I was really at his house, where his single mom left him a box of condoms with no questions asked. The shock of that conversation stayed with me; I couldn’t fathom ever having that kind of dialogue with my own parents, who never discussed birth control with me.

Changing the Narrative as a Parent

Now, as a parent myself, I can’t help but wonder if the strict taboo surrounding sex and dating contributed to my reckless behavior. I’ve always been the type to rebel against restrictions, and I want to change that narrative for my own children. Instead of secrecy, I’m choosing to foster openness and honesty about subjects that are a natural part of life. Recently, a close friend experienced an unplanned pregnancy, which prompted me to have age-appropriate discussions with my kids about the potential outcomes of sexual relationships. My younger son mistakenly believed that pregnancy was solely a woman’s issue, so I made sure to correct him on that point—he’s only 7, but I’ll ensure he’s well-informed before he enters the world.

As my kids grow into their teenage years and have more complex questions about dating and relationships, I want them to feel comfortable coming to me instead of seeking answers from peers or, worse, adults with ill intentions. I’m laying the groundwork now, discussing the mechanics of relationships while weaving in emotional understanding as they mature. I aim to remain calm and unembarrassed, creating a safe environment where they can ask anything. I believe this approach will be far more effective than hiding books and fast-forwarding through movies.

Resources for Further Learning

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Summary

The author reflects on her upbringing, where discussions about sex and dating were taboo. She shares her experiences as a teenager navigating relationships under strict parental oversight and how it shaped her views on parenting. Now, as a parent, she is committed to fostering open conversations about sex, relationships, and the responsibilities that come with them, ensuring her children feel safe discussing these topics with her.

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Keywords: parenting, sex education, open communication, teenage relationships, family planning