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The common stereotype of ADHD often centers around a young boy who can’t sit still, bouncing off the walls and struggling to focus. But that’s not the full story. Hello, I’m a mother with ADHD, and my experience is quite different from that energetic little boy.
In reality, I often find myself feeling drained by everything around me. My mind races from one thought to another, making it hard to concentrate on any single task. This leads to sensory overload as I try to manage the chaos of noise, mess, and the constant demands of my children.
Struggling to focus has been a lifelong challenge for me. I recall zoning out during homework sessions, endlessly rereading lines without grasping their meaning. This left me feeling inferior to my peers, convinced they were brighter and more capable than I was.
Understanding my ADHD early on was beneficial, but it wasn’t until I became a mother that I truly recognized its impact on my life.
Daily Life
I find myself procrastinating constantly, which turns evenings into a frantic race to check off even a tiny portion of my to-do list. Even on days when I feel a bit more focused, I often only manage to accomplish one or two simple tasks.
This also affects my ability to engage with my kids. I crave stimulation, and the thought of repetitively “eating” pretend food is dull. When I hyper-focus on something, breaking that concentration becomes nearly impossible.
More times than I can count, my kids have had to entertain themselves while I get lost in Google searches about rabbit poop fertilizer, which spirals into topics like raising rabbits and their dietary needs. (I don’t even own rabbits or a garden!)
We end up watching a lot of TV, as I feel the need for background noise. However, this often means my children are glued to a show while I scroll through social media or catch up with friends on video calls.
Frustrations
Caffeine doesn’t help me at all. While I enjoy its taste, it doesn’t boost my energy, which is tough as a mom.
I frequently misplace my phone at home, to the point where I’ve developed a habit of checking for it constantly when I’m out.
In social situations, I struggle to determine when it’s my turn to speak. I often think it’s my turn, only to have someone else jump in. When I finally get my chance, I completely forget what I wanted to say. Every time.
The most challenging aspect for me is the overstimulation. I often believe that my ADHD should make me proficient at multitasking, but that’s rarely the case. Juggling multiple tasks is overwhelming, and I feel like I must put on a show for my kids just to manage my household duties. For instance, I can’t simultaneously prepare dinner and answer my toddler’s questions without losing track of what I’m doing.
Mental Health
For much of my life, I’ve questioned what was wrong with me, often comparing myself to others, which has contributed to my struggles.
I logically understand that ADHD affects my focus and ability to be present. Yet, I still find myself thinking, “If I just tried harder,” I could be a “normal” person. Why can’t I sit down and concentrate on writing a blog post? Why can’t I simply enjoy spending time with my family? Why do I struggle with multitasking? Why can’t I engage in a hobby like others do instead of obsessively focusing on it until I lose interest?
I make a conscious effort to remind myself that I am a good mother, wife, and friend, but those negative thoughts do creep in occasionally.
The most crucial aspect of maintaining my mental health is spending time with close friends. They provide a safe space for me to be myself and remind me that it’s okay to be a little different.
Fears
All parents share the fear of not raising their children properly or feeling inadequate, and I’m no exception. I’m not overly concerned about my kids potentially having ADHD, as that seems likely. What worries me is how my ADHD might hinder my ability to parent them, leading them to face similar struggles.
I fear they might feel like failures because of me. Finding a balance between being a fully present mom and allowing my kids to see my struggles has been challenging. I believe it’s essential for children to witness their parents overcoming obstacles to understand that it’s a normal part of life, but my struggles are continuous.
My young children may not notice my challenges now, but as they grow, I don’t want them to blame themselves.
Notes for Mothers with ADHD
You’re doing an amazing job and deserve all the grace in the world. You don’t have to accomplish everything to be a supermom; your strength lies in managing the unique challenges your brain presents every day. Seeking help, whether from a babysitter or a therapist, is not a sign of weakness but rather a testament to your strength and acceptance. Lastly, remember to be kind to yourself. You absolutely deserve it.
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Summary
Living with ADHD as a mother presents unique challenges, from difficulties with focus and procrastination to feelings of overstimulation and worry about parenting. While striving to balance daily responsibilities, the author shares insights into her experiences and the importance of self-compassion and support. Connecting with friends and accepting help are vital components of managing life with ADHD.