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My partner has a habit of waking up in the middle of the night every time I sneak off to the bathroom. There are nights when I attempt to keep my eyes shut, because once the clock strikes 10 PM, I transform into a grumpy bear who feels like hibernating—I just can’t stand anyone after dark.
He greets me with his usual cheerful voice, “Hey love! How are you? Did you sleep well?” In the early days of our relationship, I tried to respond positively, but all I could manage was a mumble. No matter how hard I wish, I can’t keep up with his relentless cheerfulness.
Some days I genuinely believe I’m in a good mood, but then someone engages me in conversation, and I quickly realize that I’m simply not up for company. I’ve had occasions where I’ve committed to social events, yet no matter how hard I try, I struggle to smile or maintain light chatter. It feels as though my social battery has been completely drained, leaving me to sit quietly in a corner, responding only when spoken to. I’m not being rude; I’m just reserved. Unfortunately, my natural resting face has led many to mistakenly label me as unfriendly until they get to know me better.
This has been my reality since adolescence. Friends would pry into my moodiness, asking if I was upset with them, while family and partners would express discomfort when I slipped into my moody state, not knowing how to handle it. This has troubled me for years. I’ve chastised myself over my mood swings for decades. It frustrates me when I don’t want to engage or when I lack the energy to feign happiness. I’ve learned to communicate with my loved ones that I’m not feeling great and that they should just let it be.
It’s not that I’m unhappy; I’m simply moody. To those who don’t experience such fluctuations, I might come off as selfish or distant. Yet many of my friends and sisters understand this struggle. They recognize that when I say I’m off, it simply means I’m going through a phase; it’s temporary and isn’t a reflection of my feelings toward them.
Now that I’m approaching 46, I’ve noticed my moods can swing significantly, often triggered by lack of sleep or too much sugar. But this is just part of who I am. I require more downtime than others, and I thrive in quiet environments. Excessive noise makes me anxious, increasing my irritability and draining my focus.
I’ve often tried to push through my moods, believing that getting out and socializing would help, but that only seems to amplify my feelings. I discussed this with my sister, who experiences similar moodiness. We both wish to embody that person who is always upbeat, even when facing challenges, yet we often fall short.
It’s crucial to differentiate between being moody and being unpleasant—a distinction that should be normalized, especially for women. I can’t count the times I’ve attempted to project happiness to put others at ease. Hearing others praise someone for being cheerful often triggers me. I’ve tried to emulate that persona, only to find it backfires repeatedly. Many feel pressured to be joyful and social, even when they’re not.
When I allow myself to embrace my feelings and choose solitude, I find that my gloomy mood passes more quickly than if I try to force positivity. Even when life is good, I may still feel down. And that’s perfectly okay. Life isn’t about constant happiness; it’s about experiencing the full spectrum of emotions. Many people don’t feel the same way every day, and our moods can shift unexpectedly. The key is to be authentic and accept these fluctuations.
Accepting my moody nature has been a challenging journey, but it’s been essential for my well-being. It’s perfectly acceptable not to be in a good mood all the time, and no one should feel pressured to smile just because someone else thinks they should. There’s nothing wrong with wanting solitude or needing to be alone. If you ever feel the same way, you’re welcome to join me for a quiet evening where we can share a pan of brownies without the pressure to converse or smile. I promise, I won’t be offended.
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Summary:
This article explores the author’s journey of accepting her moody personality. Through personal anecdotes, she highlights the struggles of feeling pressured to be cheerful and the importance of embracing one’s true emotions. The narrative emphasizes the need for understanding and acceptance of mood fluctuations, encouraging others to be authentic and recognize that it’s okay to have off days.
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Embracing moody nature, acceptance of emotions, coping with mood swings, importance of solitude, authentic living.