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Over a decade ago, I parted ways with my lifelong best friend. What once felt like an endearing quirk in her personality became overwhelming as our lives took different paths. While I was juggling marriage, two kids, and a demanding career, she remained single and emotionally unpredictable. The breakup was painful but, ultimately, necessary for my well-being.
Since then, my focus shifted to work, family, and the everyday challenges life presents. For a long time, I felt content without a best friend. I surrounded myself with “situational friends,” mostly parents from my daughter’s sports teams or fellow business owners. However, as my daughter moved on from sports and I closed my business, I found myself searching for new female friendships, and the options seem scarce.
The absence of close companionship is palpable. When I do meet other women, I often find myself overcompensating—sharing too much too quickly and dominating the conversation. I oscillate between embracing my gregarious nature and cringing at my behavior. What I truly seek is a friend who mirrors my enthusiasm, humor, intellect, and—let’s be honest—my tendency to be a bit judgmental.
My Friend-Seeking Ad
In my mind, I’ve crafted a friend-seeking ad:
“Almost 50-year-old woman seeks like-minded companion for lifelong friendship. Must be witty, enthusiastic, and understand the meaning of irreverent. Political leanings: reasonably liberal. Religion: no thanks. Ability to provide snappy retorts and share righteous indignation required. Knowledge of French or Spanish is a bonus. Must be open to discussing perimenopause symptoms and enjoy coffee, documentaries, and educational podcasts. Adventure-loving but not into anything too wild or embarrassing. Living nearby is essential, as is the willingness for spontaneous meet-ups. Feminism and a keen eye for grammar a must. Emotional conservatism is acceptable. Must be okay with sporadic communication. Application essay (small fee) required: ‘Discuss how Below Deck: Mediterranean represents both trashy entertainment and a critique of capitalism.’”
I sometimes wonder if I should change the essay topic to something less revealing, like The Princess Bride, but that feels too revealing of my own preferences. Should I include what I might offer in return, or does that make this whole endeavor feel transactional? It’s a thought I wrestle with frequently.
Reflecting on my ad also raises questions about whether I’m only searching for someone just like me. Wouldn’t my life be richer with differing perspectives? The answer is yes, but as I near 50, I’m aware of my preferences and limits. I hope that my future best friend and I can explore new experiences together while still sharing our own identities.
You may wonder about my spouse and why he isn’t my best friend, as many women categorize their partners. Unfortunately, he doesn’t meet the criteria I’ve outlined. He’s great in many ways, but our interests differ significantly, highlighting the need for a friend who aligns more closely with my personality.
I’m comfortable with my specific friendship requirements. Over the years, I’ve distanced myself from friends who were overly religious or overly emotional, while I remain open to supporting someone else’s personal indulgences.
The challenge, however, lies in the fact that forming new friendships can be particularly tough at this stage of life. Are we all just too set in our ways to invite new personalities and commitments into our lives? Perhaps. This is why I added a note that communication might be irregular.
Honestly, I don’t have all the answers, but I’m open to discovering them—with my future best friend by my side. Now accepting applications (for a small fee).
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