artificial insemination kit for humans
I’ve had my hair in a messy bun for as long as I can remember. I enjoy the way it looks, but there’s a special comfort in coming home, taking off my bra, and putting my hair up.
A few months into my new relationship, I learned my boyfriend wasn’t a fan of the messy bun style. He didn’t say it outright but hinted at it while we were watching a show. I remarked that I thought the lead character looked better with her hair up and no makeup, and while he agreed about the makeup, he casually mentioned that he wasn’t keen on buns. His opinion didn’t affect me at all, and he sees me sporting my bun regularly. I didn’t even bother to ask him if he liked it on me—because while I love him, I simply don’t care. I like it, and that’s all that matters.
I also get Botox and fillers, which I started doing after we began dating, and it brings me immense joy. He’s commented, “Why do you do that? You’re already beautiful,” which is sweet and I appreciate it, but honestly, he needs glasses. He squints at his phone and often leaves his readers in the car, so I end up reading the menu for him.
The bottom line is, my body and my face are mine, and I will do what I want with them, regardless of his thoughts. He knows this about me and remains silent when I wear my messy bun or when he sees the bruising from my injections that help me feel like a better version of myself.
I’ve heard from friends whose partners criticize their appearance or clothing. Some have been told they “ruined themselves” after cosmetic procedures, while others have gone through major surgeries just to appease their husbands. My sister once dated a guy who wanted her to dress a certain way and grow out her armpit hair, which she did out of compliance, not desire.
A high school friend in NYC mentioned men scheduling various procedures for their wives after childbirth. No. Being in a relationship doesn’t strip away your autonomy. I’ve never understood women who keep their hair long just because their partners prefer it that way. I vividly recall my father telling my mother not to cut her hair. Once they divorced, she immediately chopped it off. I also remember him imposing similar restrictions on me when I wanted a short haircut in junior high. Those experiences ignited a fire in me to grow up and take full control over my body.
Each person is an individual. We should wear what we want, dye our hair any color we choose, and even toss out the razors if that’s what we desire. If a partner tries to control your choices regarding food, exercise, or even schedules cosmetic procedures for you, it’s time to reevaluate that relationship. The issue lies with them, not with you.
We know what feels right for us. If you want to change your appearance, diet, or exercise routine, that’s entirely up to you. But ultimately, it should only be to satisfy one person: yourself.
I don’t impose my preferences on my boyfriend. He doesn’t work out like I do, and he’s self-conscious about his belly, which I find adorable. He’s not a fan of beards or scruff, which I love, but I have no desire to change him or strip away the qualities that make him unique.
If you’re with someone who seeks to control how you look or what you wear, it’s time to move on. Being with someone like that is draining, and you’ll find yourself walking on eggshells. You deserve to express your individuality, and there are plenty of people out there who appreciate you just the way you are. Wear what you want, eat what you want, and groom however you choose. Always prioritize being true to yourself over conforming to someone else’s arbitrary standards. People who are never satisfied will always find something to critique, and you’re better off without them.
This piece resonates with themes discussed in our other blog posts, such as this one about personal autonomy in relationships. For those looking to enhance their fertility journey, resources like Make A Mom provide valuable information. Additionally, if you’re considering IVF, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination: UCSF Fertility Treatment.
Summary
This article emphasizes the importance of personal autonomy in relationships, particularly regarding physical appearance and self-expression. It discusses how societal pressures and partner preferences can influence individual choices, advocating for self-love and authenticity over conformity.