I Was Restricting My Kids’ Personalities With My Obsessive Cleaning Habits

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I often feel like my home is divided into two worlds. In certain areas, like the living room, kitchen, and my bedroom, my meticulous tendencies are on full display, where everything must be perfectly arranged. However, then there are my kids’ rooms and their bathroom, which tell a different story.

A few years back, I recognized that my attempts to control how their spaces looked were stifling their unique personalities. Additionally, trying to maintain that level of order was exhausting for me. My children don’t prioritize cleanliness in the same way I do, and my insistence on this lifestyle only led to more conflicts, making me realize how trivial it truly was.

Currently, my son is growing countless trees in his room, meticulously saving strawberry seeds, avocado pits, and acorns from our yard. This passion means we have an abundance of pots, bags of soil cluttering our garage, and a constant assortment of seedlings drying on the windowsill.

My daughter, on the other hand, takes care of two ducks. Let me tell you, their mess is no joke—their droppings are the size of golf balls, and they love to hang out on the porch, particularly on the rug. They create a plume of feathers and have a kiddie pool that’s always full, which results in splashes that reach every corner of the yard.

As a parent who thrives on cleanliness, this chaos can drive me up the wall. I struggle to concentrate amid the disorder, which makes me feel anxious and uncomfortable. Yet, none of my kids have picked up my neat-freak tendencies. They seem completely unfazed by clutter like dirty clothes or their various slime projects.

My daughter prefers to leave her makeup sprawled across her vanity rather than organizing it like I did as a teenager. I did have to put my foot down when I found hair she had cut off taped to the back of her door—clearly a test of my limits. But I know I have to let some things slide for the sake of their self-expression and autonomy. I don’t want them to feel like they have to tiptoe around their own rooms.

The other day, I came home to find my son transplanting his trees from his room to the backyard. I watched him as he carefully watered down cardboard he had been saving and broke it into tiny pieces for his garden. While I may not love the potting soil scattered across his carpet, seeing him nurture his plants in the afternoon light made all my anxiety worthwhile.

Those ducks have brought immense joy to my daughter. They helped her cope with the anxiety of COVID, and she’s taken full responsibility for them, never needing a reminder to clean their space. This has not only given her confidence but also taught her valuable lessons about caring for animals.

I appreciate my son’s growing knowledge about fixing engines. Although I wish he would tidy up his tools and grease-stained rags, he’s often the one to troubleshoot issues with our lawn mower or snow blower.

But I know that one day, I won’t have to deal with their messy rooms. I won’t see my son tinkering with his truck or my youngest planting who-knows-what in the backyard. I won’t have my daughter’s makeup scattered around, and I’ll finally have the opportunity to redecorate their spaces to my liking. The thought of that makes me feel more nauseous than the mess itself because it signifies that they will no longer be living under my roof.

So, for now, I will practice patience. I will allow my anxiety to wash over me when I spot dirt trails, duck food, or watermelon seeds drying on my countertop. I want my kids to discover their true passions, and I can support that by relaxing my expectations about how my home looks. After all, their interests and joys are far more significant than having pristine surfaces.

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Summary:

In this reflection, a mother shares her struggle with balancing her neat-freak tendencies and allowing her kids the freedom to express themselves. Despite the chaos of messy rooms and animal care, she recognizes the importance of nurturing her children’s passions and autonomy, even if it means tolerating some disorder.