Four Alternatives to Staring at My Child and His Wheelchair

pregnant lesbian coupleartificial insemination kit for humans

Let’s take a moment to discuss the act of staring. Ever since we received my son Leo’s diagnosis five years ago, he has become accustomed to a lot of attention. Initially, we brought him home from the hospital with a noticeable scar on his head, a slight droop in his face, and a distant look in his eyes. After a period of staying home during the pandemic, I forgot about the gazes until we began to venture out again. It’s become evident that Leo doesn’t quite fit the mold of what most people expect to see.

I genuinely believe that most people stare out of curiosity or concern, not malice. I try to smile and not let it bother me—or Leo, for that matter.

Kids, especially, get a pass. They’re naturally inquisitive and often just want to know if Leo can join in on their games. That’s perfectly fine!

However, there are times when the staring crosses an uncomfortable line.

Just yesterday, we popped into a local store to escape the heat. I was juggling a bag of snacks and a few drinks while pushing Leo’s wheelchair with one hand. My friend Sarah was with us, also weighed down with items we didn’t really need while searching for baby wipes. As we turned a corner, I noticed a girl, probably around twelve, staring at Leo with a somber expression. I smiled and she exclaimed, “I love special needs!”

For a brief moment, I was taken aback. How did she know Leo was considered special needs? After all, he was just being himself—flushed cheeks, eyes that didn’t quite align, and one arm reaching for products while the other rested in his lap.

With a slightly awkward nod, I replied, “Um… thank you?” What else could I say? (In hindsight, I thought of a funny comeback later: “You should get one!” I found it amusing, at least).

Even though she was just a kid and meant well, her comment felt off—like saying you love a cute puppy.

Over time, I’ve come to understand what it means for Leo to be part of a community that many find challenging to relate to. A friend recently shared that some people feel more comfortable greeting her dog than her daughter. I wanted to contest that, but she was right. It’s a tricky social landscape. I often notice the moment a stranger realizes Leo isn’t in his wheelchair due to laziness; their momentary panic about how to respond is palpable. Most choose to smile and move on, which is great, while others realize they’re staring and quickly look away—often meeting my gaze instead.

So, what can well-meaning individuals do instead? Here are a few suggestions:

  1. A Simple Greeting: Just smile and say “Hi,” or maybe a friendly wave. A warm smile without words is often enough, especially as masks become less common (and thank you to those still wearing them for keeping my child safe!).
  2. Gauge the Situation: I’m usually open to explaining Leo’s condition if the moment is right. I enjoy educating others, especially kids, but not when we’re rushing or in a hurry. If you feel genuinely curious and the caregiver seems open, go ahead and ask. Otherwise, it’s okay to hold back.
  3. Choose Your Words Wisely: If you want to show support, remember you’re speaking about a person. Compliment Leo genuinely, not about his disability. Something like, “He’s so adorable!” can make a world of difference.
  4. Avoid Staring: If you catch yourself staring, I might just crack a joke to lighten the moment—trust me, it could lead to some awkwardness!

I know it’s human nature to be curious, and Leo truly is a delightful kid. Let’s embrace the awkwardness and find humor in it so that one day, things can change. Leo isn’t hiding away, so the next time you see him out and about, a friendly high-five would be appreciated!

If you’re looking for more information on home insemination, check out our other post here, or explore resources like CDC’s FAQ on infertility for more insights.

Possible Search Queries:

In summary, while stares may come from a place of curiosity, there are many ways to engage positively. With a simple smile or greeting, we can foster understanding and connection rather than discomfort.