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Where do I even start, friends? It was the morning of my yearly OB-GYN appointment. Unlike many women, I don’t dread this day; in fact, I actually look forward to it. My doctor is one of my favorite people in the world—he’s the one who helped me bring my four kids into the world. Who wouldn’t appreciate that? The staff is always friendly, and I never feel out of place. I woke up feeling cheerful and ready to tackle the day.
I jumped into the shower, grateful for a moment of peace without kids barging in, and I remembered to lock the door to keep any uninvited guests out. I shave my legs daily—it’s just something I do. This morning was no exception, but I had swapped out my old razor for a fresh one. However, I got a little too enthusiastic while shaving my left shin and ended up with blood everywhere—think of the infamous shower scene from “Psycho.” It was bad.
After managing to clean myself up, I hopped out of the shower. As soon as I was on dry land, I tended to the wound. Despite my best efforts to stop the bleeding, it just kept coming. I slathered on lotion to keep my skin from looking like an alligator and used a hefty piece of toilet paper to help staunch the flow. The lotion made the toilet paper stick like glue. With that issue temporarily resolved, I went about my day.
Oh, did I mention I’m sporting a large knee brace on my right leg that cost a staggering nine hundred dollars? Yeah, it’s a sore spot for me, considering I’m only 42 and my body seems to be falling apart! Because of this brace, I can’t wear pants or my favorite yoga capris—only shorts and dresses that allow it to stay in place. Anyway, I put on my brace, slipped into a dress, did my hair, and applied my makeup before heading downstairs to kiss my husband and kids goodbye.
I arrived at the hospital and met a gentleman in the elevator. He was dressed in pajama pants because of leg swelling, and I reassured him that it was no big deal. Upon reaching the third floor, I went through COVID screenings, answered a few questions, and complimented one of the staff members on her mask before heading to the office.
Inside, I was greeted by a cheerful nurse who handed me some forms. Another nurse took me back to the examination room where we chatted about our kids while she checked my blood pressure. Once she left, I got undressed, removed my brace, and put on the gown. Then my beloved doctor entered.
It’s always a pleasure to see him. I’ve been his patient since I was 20, and he’s handled the most significant moments of my life. He performed all the necessary exams—breast, stomach, pelvic, and Pap smear. After a bit of friendly banter, our visit wrapped up, and I said my goodbyes, promising to return in a year. He handed me paperwork for a mammogram, so I made my way to the breast center.
I headed back to the elevator, wished the COVID screeners a great day, and drove to another building. After meeting more screeners who confirmed my appointment, I found out the breast center was at capacity. I scheduled a return visit and walked back to my car.
As I approached my vehicle, I noticed something white fluttering in the wind. Curious, I looked down, only to be greeted by the shocking sight of toilet paper dangling from my leg. It wasn’t just a small piece—no, it looked like an entire roll! I had completely forgotten to remove it after tending to my injury. How mortifying!
In the span of about 2.5 hours, I had encountered 14 different people, and not one of them mentioned the toilet paper situation. I don’t doubt they saw it—I mean, I was literally in the stirrups! My shin was practically in the doctor’s face. They must have had a good laugh when I left, and honestly, I can’t blame them.
Now, let’s discuss my cognitive lapse. I managed to get undressed and remove my knee brace without noticing the toilet paper. How did I walk through two buildings without looking down even once? Once I spotted it, though, it was impossible to ignore. That thing was massive!
I’m not one to shy away from my blunders. Instead of quickly tearing off the toilet paper and hiding in my car, I snapped a picture and sent it to my family group chat. Then, I started drafting a Facebook post because, at this point, 14 people had already seen my embarrassing moment.
Some might consider switching doctors after such an incident, but not me. I plan to share this story with my healthcare provider as soon as it’s published. And while I don’t need a new doctor, I might consider looking for an aesthetician specializing in full body waxing or perhaps just investing in dull razors. Who knows?
If you’re interested in similar experiences, check out this informative piece about home insemination kits at Make A Mom, or take a look at News Medical for excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
This humorous recounting of a woman’s eventful trip to the OB-GYN highlights her accidental mishap with toilet paper stuck to her leg. Despite the embarrassment, she embraces the situation and shares it with family and friends, intending to add a humorous touch to an otherwise routine appointment.