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I’m sharing my experience with ocular rosacea today because, thankfully, I’m having a relatively good eye day and can manage to look at a screen for more than a few minutes. I’ve learned to embrace the good days with productivity and joy, while navigating the tough days with self-compassion, cold compresses, and a favorite podcast.
My battle with ocular rosacea started about 18 months ago when I began experiencing discomfort with my contact lenses. After wearing them for two decades, I suddenly found I could hardly tolerate them at all. Initially, my optometrist diagnosed me with dry eye, but it wasn’t until six months later at a specialized clinic in Toronto that I finally received the official diagnosis: ocular rosacea and meibomian gland dysfunction. Tiny blood vessels along my eyelid margins indicated rosacea, which led to my glands’ failure in producing the essential oily layer of tears. Without this critical layer, my tears were evaporating almost immediately.
While my dry eye symptoms are highly irritating, it’s the flare-ups from rosacea that really take me out of commission. During these episodes, I suffer from light sensitivity, and my eyelids feel unbearably rough. Blinking or even checking my phone becomes painful, and driving is completely off the table. Some people experience significant redness, but my eyes often appear normal.
I’ve tried numerous treatments for ocular rosacea, but sadly, it’s a chronic condition. Initial treatments included oral antibiotics (which didn’t help), topical steroids (that caused severe rebound inflammation), and prescription anti-inflammatory eye drops like Restasis and Xiidra. After seven months on Restasis, I believe my symptoms have improved by about 10-15%.
In addition to medications, I’ve explored various in-office treatments, including Intense Pulsed Light therapy. While these often cause an initial flare-up, I think they have provided some marginal benefit over time. I’ve also experimented with elimination diets, supplements, warm compresses, and lid hygiene. Unfortunately, most treatments available in Canada are not covered by insurance, and I’ve spent thousands without seeing significant results. However, I refuse to lose hope; I believe I will eventually discover the right combination of treatments to help me function better. Though I may continue to experience flare-ups, as my husband, Alex, often reminds me, it’s about aiming for “higher highs and higher lows”—a stock market reference that resonates with my situation.
This condition has undoubtedly affected my mental health. During a flare, I often find myself panicking, fearing that the discomfort will never end. In the calm moments between flares, I feel grateful for my ability to function, but I also grapple with resentment. Why is this happening to me? Will I ever be able to wear contacts or makeup again? I’ve spent the last decade building a career as a singer and songwriter, and not being able to wear makeup during performances or promotional events is a significant hurdle.
I am fortunate to have a supportive partner who has helped me navigate this challenging time. With two young boys aged three and five, we have enough assistance to manage when I’m stuck in bed with ice packs. We’ve been able to afford treatments, and I recognize that we are among the lucky ones.
If you experience discomfort in your eyes or exhibit symptoms of dry eye, don’t ignore it. Consult your eye care professional. If left untreated, those vital meibomian glands can atrophy and become permanently damaged. If you have healthy, comfortable eyes, take good care of them! Remember to wash your face, remove your makeup, avoid sleeping in your contacts, and keep your makeup brushes clean (I say this with love)!
To anyone dealing with ocular rosacea or any other invisible chronic condition, I see you. I feel your pain. I hope you, like me, learn to ride the waves, take deep breaths, practice self-love, and hold on to hope for a brighter tomorrow. For more insights on similar topics, check out this other blog post on this blog.