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Let’s get real for a moment. I’m just five weeks into my journey as a new mom, and I’m absolutely enjoying the visits from friends and family! For years, I’ve heard about how intrusive these drop-ins can be—disturbing the delicate bond between mother and baby as noisy guests parade through your cluttered home, eager to touch your precious, unvaccinated little one. A friend once described a baby visit that turned into a full-blown barbecue, where she and her husband felt they had to quickly prepare a meal while their baby cried for attention. Another mom recounted how she exhausted herself preparing her home for guests right before going into labor. I even heard advice on podcasts suggesting banning “toxic people” from visiting during the early months to maintain that peaceful fourth trimester.
I get it—germ concerns are very real. Personally, I set a rule to only allow fully vaccinated visitors for the first few months. However, I’ve found these visits to be refreshing, sanity-boosting, and liberating for my type-A personality. Here’s why.
Before having a baby and during the pandemic, I was known for hosting gatherings, always looking for an excuse to fill my home with friends and serve up a feast. I practically lived on “Evite” and “Paperless Post,” and Pinterest was my go-to for party recipes. I loved making every occasion an elaborate affair. But the stress of planning and preparing eventually took its toll, leading many of my friends to avoid hosting altogether. Invitations would often lead to guilt and anxiety over whether we could make it happen.
Pregnancy during the pandemic showed me how isolating it can be. But as soon as my baby was born and vaccines became available, my doorbell started ringing again. Friends reached out to drop by with food, supplies, and much-needed company. I made a conscious effort to say “yes,” even with a messy counter or a sink full of dishes. We adapted our schedules for short visits instead of waiting for the perfect weekend. The pressure lifted, and I welcomed the cheerful faces and laughter into my home. These visits transformed my experience of motherhood.
Suddenly, I didn’t feel the need to clean meticulously, prepare a meal, or even put on makeup when someone came over. There was no fear of poor reviews on Yelp! Embracing the mantra “done is better than perfect,” I found that a simple drop-in was far better than the empty promises of “we should get together soon.” Plus, my baby’s community began to form right from the start, thanks to careful hygiene measures.
But as my friend left after a lovely morning coffee, I felt a pang of sadness. This wonderful phase of casual baby visits might not last forever. It made me wonder why we hesitate to open our homes because they’re not picture-perfect or we can’t host an elaborate dinner party. Many mothers seem to wait until a special occasion arises or even avoid hosting altogether due to time constraints.
That’s why I’m urging moms everywhere to normalize the “drop-by”! After a year of separation, let’s cherish in-person connections more than ever. Arrange a no-frills home visit with a friend or check in on a neighbor over coffee. Whether you’re the one hosting or visiting, make it clear that this isn’t a formal event. Serve what’s in your fridge or keep it simple—what matters most is the time spent together. If you’re not comfortable having guests at home, suggest a spontaneous walk in the park. Let’s prioritize ease and spontaneity without the fuss.
In the past, moms relied on their immediate communities for support. Today, we often find ourselves disconnected, relying on virtual interactions. We’ve built walls around our lives to avoid perceived judgment, losing the casual connections that enrich our lives.
When it comes to visits, moms should be in control. You decide who comes, when they come, and you can always say no. Consult with your pediatrician and let your comfort level guide you. For me, these visits have been a much-needed distraction amid the challenges of new motherhood and a way to reconnect with friends.
In a conversation with my friend after her visit, she revealed she had hesitated to come because she worried about not bringing anything or only being able to stay briefly. As a busy mom herself, she understood that her presence was the best gift. We decided to embrace the “drop-by” as a new norm—no expectations, no pressure. Though we might add a little wine next time because, let’s face it, we deserve it!
Summary:
The article encourages new moms to embrace informal visits from friends and family, highlighting the importance of connection during the early stages of motherhood. It discusses the pressures of hosting and the liberating experience of casual drop-ins, promoting the idea that these visits do not require elaborate preparations. By normalizing simple and spontaneous gatherings, mothers can foster community support and enhance their parenting journey.
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