artificial insemination kit for humans
Welcome to the Home Insemination Kit advice column, where our team of “experts” tackles your questions about relationships, family, and everything in between.
This week’s dilemma: What to do when you’re happily married, yet you find yourself infatuated with someone else?
Dear Home Insemination Kit,
To give you some context: My partner and I have been together for 13 years, and I believe he would agree that we are a happy couple and deeply in love. I’m currently expecting our fourth child, with a due date in the fall.
Recently, I’ve started developing a significant crush on a friend from high school. We’ve been connected on social media for years, but over the last six months, our conversations have intensified through DMs. It all began when he commented on a photo of my children on IG stories, and since then, we’ve been talking constantly. I genuinely enjoy our chats; we share many interests, make each other laugh, and have developed a lot of inside jokes. While we haven’t crossed any physical boundaries, it’s clear we both feel uncomfortable with how close we’ve become, especially if our spouses knew.
Now I’m at a crossroads. I don’t want to leave my partner, but I also don’t want to cut off communication with this friend. We both acknowledge that there’s a strong emotional bond forming, which likely isn’t appropriate for two married individuals in a monogamous relationship.
We live relatively close, and the only thing stopping us from meeting is my pregnancy. I fear that if we did meet, the chemistry would be undeniable, and I’m not ready to explore that while pregnant with someone else’s child!
I can’t see how this situation could lead to anything positive. Any relationship that starts this way seems doomed to fail, and I can’t imagine carrying this secret for years — it feels unfair to my wonderful partner. What should I do? I can’t confide in my friends because they all know him and his wife, and they like them both.
Here’s my advice:
If you wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it in front of your partner, then you shouldn’t be doing it at all. I understand that crushes can be exhilarating. Long-term relationships can sometimes lose their luster, and finding that spark again—especially with someone else—can feel refreshing. But remember, if marriage were eternally thrilling, the divorce rate would be much lower.
Life is full of responsibilities — kids, bills, and daily stressors — and once you add those to the mix, the initial excitement often fades. The attention you’re receiving from your friend might be more about how he makes you feel than who he actually is. It’s a nice confidence boost to feel desired, especially during pregnancy when you may feel less attractive.
You’re correct that this isn’t a solid foundation for any relationship. Your partner likely made you feel that way at one time, and pursuing something deeper with your crush would mean risking everything you’ve built together. It’s natural to feel drawn to the thrill of a crush, but following through on it would hurt many people, including yourself.
Take some time to reflect on the reasons you fell in love with your partner. Focus on the things that make him special and what you appreciate about him. Right now, you only see the positive sides of your crush, not the mundane realities of everyday life. Your partner may have his flaws, but so does your crush; you just haven’t seen them yet.
Redirect the energy you’ve invested in this online friendship into your marriage and family. Engage in activities that boost your self-esteem and prepare for your new baby. This situation isn’t fair to your partner or your crush’s wife, and while it’s exciting now, it will only lead to more stress down the line if it continues.
If you think cutting contact completely would lead to obsession, consider simply following him on social media and engaging minimally. From now on, keep your interactions with him appropriate and discreet.
You are fortunate to have a long-lasting love and a happy family. Is it worth sacrificing for a fleeting crush? Time to start nurturing your own garden instead of envying someone else’s.