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If pop icon Mia Johnson, who seems to be the size of the spoon I use for my morning smoothie, has faced scrutiny for her bikini body, why would I ever consider exposing my own fuller figure to the world of body shaming?
Bikini-wearing has never been my forte. I’ve typically favored swimwear that offers more coverage, especially since becoming a parent and gaining some extra weight.
Just yesterday, as stores reopened, the thrift shop was at the top of my teenage daughter’s shopping list. After waiting for what felt like an eternity, we finally entered the store. With a strict 20-minute shopping limit, it resembled a fast-paced game show, and my daughter eagerly filled her basket with discounted clothes like a pro.
“What do you think, Mom?” she asked, holding up a bikini in a shade reminiscent of Duchess Kate’s engagement ring. My heart raced momentarily before settling back down. Here we were at a crossroads regarding swimwear. My previously strict rules about not showing my belly were being challenged, and surprisingly, a sense of calm washed over me. It didn’t really matter after all.
“You should get one too!” she encouraged, digging through the rack as if I were preparing for a glamorous fashion shoot. Her tone was sincere, without a hint of mockery. She genuinely wanted me to consider buying a bikini, one that would expose my muffin top. The thought of me in a bikini made my inner voice scoff, but I couldn’t help but feel a flicker of curiosity.
Not long ago, my partner, who appreciates my curves, made a playful wager: if I wore a bikini in public, he would jump into the deep end of the pool wearing a life jacket. I picked up a bikini in a shade of pale pink, barely big enough to cover anything, and suddenly, I heard a gentle nudge from my partner’s voice in my head: “Buy it.”
So, I did.
“I am not fat,” said influencer Tara Brooks. “No one IS fat. It’s not something you can BE. But I do HAVE fat. We ALL have fat. It protects our muscles and our bones and keeps our bodies going by providing us energy.”
When I tried on the bikini, my daughter flashed two thumbs up. She didn’t comment on the extra skin spilling over my waistband. In that moment, I realized that our perspectives on body image were different. While I see myself as overweight, my daughter perceives me as a snug, warm embrace. She recognizes me for what I do, not how I look. To her, I am the mom who wakes up early for runs and sometimes encourages her to do yoga. She cheered me on as I crossed the finish line after a grueling marathon.
Even if I don’t check all the boxes, I am still the one who has loved her since before she was born and who comforts her in tough times. What I view as excess weight is merely part of who I am to her.
After spending years witnessing my own mother’s struggles with self-acceptance, I wonder: do I want that for my daughter?
“Let’s sit outside in our bikinis!” my daughter suggested.
So, I did.
“You have an incredible body — it works hard and takes you places,” a friend texted me. “Always remember that your body is doing its best — love it.”
“Just remember, you don’t have to wear it if it makes you uncomfortable. It’s up to you,” my running buddy said as we jogged together. “But if you decide to, ease into it. Start with just the top and shorts, sit in your yard, or go for a bike ride. Take it one step at a time.”
So I did.
“Send me a picture,” a few friends asked.
And so I did.
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Summary:
In this personal reflection, Samantha Lee confronts her insecurities about wearing a bikini after her daughter’s encouraging suggestion. She explores the contrasting perceptions of body image between herself and her daughter, ultimately embracing the idea that anyone who wants to wear a bikini should do so, regardless of societal pressures or personal insecurities. Through the support of friends and family, she learns to appreciate her body for its capabilities and fosters a healthy self-image for herself and her daughter.
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Blog post about body image, self-acceptance, and the journey of wearing a bikini.