The Critics of Co-Sleeping Must Cease Their Shame Campaign

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When you celebrate the arrival of your little one, you might think you’re opening the door for others to share in your joy. Instead, it often feels like you’re signaling for a barrage of unsolicited advice and judgment. “Welcome, critics!” you might as well say. You’ll soon find out that your baby name choices are questioned (“Why would anyone name their son Henry?!”), your crib style is scrutinized, and even your choice of school district comes under fire. The debates over feeding methods, swaddling practices, and pacifiers never seem to end.

I once had a stranger in the supermarket who forcibly pulled my child’s thumb from his mouth, cooing that “little boys shouldn’t suck their thumbs.” I stood there, stunned, the encounter solidifying my resolve to keep some parenting choices private. While I couldn’t completely avoid unsolicited opinions in public, I decided to shield myself from the judgments of acquaintances.

This is why I kept my co-sleeping arrangement with my infant son a secret. Like many parents, this wasn’t our initial plan, but our reasons didn’t matter. (Us “rule-breakers” are often pressured to justify our choices, but why should we?) By staying quiet, I managed to dodge potential debates, unlike other parents who openly face harsh criticism.

Critics readily share misleading statistics and anecdotal horror stories, even as responsible co-sleepers adhere to safety guidelines (like avoiding couch-sharing and never co-sleeping under the influence). While it’s known that babies thrive on skin-to-skin contact, this evidence often gets overlooked. Remarkably, I’ve never heard a co-sleeper criticize another mother for choosing not to share her bed with her infant. They seem to recognize that there’s no single right way to parent. Yet the opposing camp seems intent on shaming those who do.

This judgment is especially harsh during a time when new mothers are navigating a whirlwind of hormones. According to Postpartumdepression.org, about 1 in 7 U.S. mothers experience depression in the first year postpartum, equating to around 600,000 cases. This figure only accounts for those who seek help, meaning the real number could be much higher. The World Health Organization notes that women are at heightened risk of psychiatric hospitalization shortly after giving birth, more so than at any other life stage.

Consider this: while the exact causes of postpartum depression remain elusive, the stigma surrounding co-sleeping can exacerbate a mother’s mental health struggles. Emily Glover highlights in a 2018 study that mothers who co-sleep longer often report higher depression rates—not due to the arrangement itself, but because they feel judged by other parents.

If critics understood the impact of their words and actions, would they reconsider? Perhaps not. But if they realized that a mother’s mental health can significantly affect her child’s development, maybe they’d think twice. Research establishes a clear connection between postpartum depression and child outcomes, which can include delayed cognitive development and increased behavioral issues.

Thus, the very critics who claim to protect children may, in fact, be causing harm through their shaming. This irony is troubling.

They say it takes a village to raise a child, but what we really need is a supportive community that respects diverse parenting choices. If they can’t offer that, the least they can do is refrain from voicing their judgments.

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Summary

The article discusses the harmful stigma associated with co-sleeping, highlighting how societal judgment can exacerbate mental health issues among new mothers. It calls for a more understanding community that recognizes diverse parenting practices and their impacts on both mother and child.