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I can go weeks without catching up with one of my closest friends, who lives just down the street. Our lives are so packed that finding time to meet up can feel impossible.
Our conversations often go like this:
Me: Hey, can you do lunch this Friday?
Her: I have a meeting about an hour away, but I could do something later around 2?
Me: Unfortunately, I can’t make that; I have to pick up my kids from their dad’s and they have orthodontist appointments. How about this weekend? I could do coffee on Saturday or Sunday?
Her: Could you do dinner on Saturday? My kids have lacrosse games all weekend.
Me: I can’t; it’s date night and we have reservations.
Her: Alright, let’s try again next week. It should slow down for me then.
And that’s the rhythm of our friendship. Last week, my schedule was so jam-packed that I couldn’t fit in any meet-ups. However, I did manage to drop off her favorite chocolate and peanut butter bars on her porch while running errands.
When another friend invited us to a morning workout class last Saturday, we were relieved to have an hour free since our families were still asleep. We exercised and then caught up in the parking lot, where we both ended up shedding a few tears, sharing sweaty hugs, and discussing how tough life can be.
This wasn’t glamorous at all. We weren’t enjoying a fancy brunch in stylish outfits like the characters in “Sex and the City.” Yet, it was meaningful enough. We hurried off, planning to finally meet for lunch. I know we’ll make it happen before the year ends, but it requires some juggling.
Shopping trips together? Not happening. Our Friday nights don’t involve cozy coffee chats on oversized sofas like in “Friends.” While I adore shows like “Friends” and “Sex and the City,” there have been moments when I’ve binged on episodes and wondered if something was missing from my friendships—spoiler: it’s not.
Real friendships exist, even if they don’t resemble the glamorous bonds portrayed on screen. In reality, scheduling a simple phone call can be a challenge. Parenthood, work commitments, and the need for sleep often leave little time or energy to devote to friends.
Unlike TV, where friends pop in and out effortlessly, adult life is filled with responsibilities that make spontaneous gatherings difficult. You can want to see each other, but life gets in the way.
These TV portrayals of friendship often create an unrealistic expectation that friendships should be effortless and always fun. In reality, friendships evolve, sometimes fading or requiring significant effort to maintain. Finding new friends or your “people” as an adult is a challenge, and that’s just the truth.
So, next time you’re searching for your version of Rachel or Miranda, remember that real friendships are not reflections of what you see on television. Enjoy the shows, but make it a point to carve out time for your friends in ways that fit into your actual life—even if it’s just a quick Diet Coke in the McDonald’s parking lot.
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In summary, the idealized friendships we see on television are far from the reality of adult life. While it’s easy to compare our lives to those of fictional characters, it’s crucial to remember that real friendships require effort and understanding, particularly as we juggle various responsibilities.