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Sex/Life on Netflix Frustrated Me
by Mia Thompson
Updated: July 19, 2021
Originally Published: July 18, 2021
Netflix’s “Sex/Life” begins like many shows exploring the midlife crisis of women — featuring flashbacks, a voiceover, and the stark realization that life hasn’t unfolded as expected. It resonated with me enough to sit up and take notice. I even messaged a friend saying, “Why does this feel like my life?”
But then the narrative took a turn.
Netflix seemed to tap into the collective consciousness of many women grappling with questions of identity after motherhood: Who am I now? Where did my former self go? Is there room for both me and her in this life? It felt relatable — until it wasn’t, and that shift happened about ten minutes into the first episode.
I started to wonder if the creators realized they had bitten off more than they could chew.
The protagonist, Billie, meanders through her present while frequently flashing back to her vibrant past and her former lover. This unfolds despite her current life, which includes a seemingly perfect husband and two kids, where she navigates the chaos of being a stay-at-home mom. We learn she was once a successful professional and had an intense affair with a “bad boy” record executive. Billie finds herself avoiding his calls in the present, fantasizing about him while breastfeeding, and ultimately writing about her feelings in an online journal — which her husband discovers, leading to his awkward attempts to rekindle their romance.
The rest of the series feels cringeworthy. While it seems to tackle the complexities of losing one’s identity in motherhood, the creators suggest that the solution is simply to “spice up your sex life.” I can confidently say that this is not the answer.
Initially, I thought, “This must have been produced by a man,” but I soon discovered it was created by a woman, Stacy Rukeyser. I had high expectations given her past work on shows like “October Road” and “One Tree Hill.” After learning she has been married for over a decade and has two children, my confusion only deepened.
Further digging led me to BB Easton, the author of “44 Chapters About 4 Men,” which inspired the series.
However, the plethora of explicit scenes and Sarah Shahi’s exaggerated expressions while contemplating her past make “Sex/Life” a painful watch. It’s disheartening that this is what Netflix presents as a discussion about the emotional turmoil many women face when their identities shift dramatically after becoming mothers.
The reality is that becoming a mother often leads to a profound transformation in our lives. I remember feeling like a different person overnight and realizing I couldn’t even mourn that loss without being deemed selfish. Who has time for that? There are endless responsibilities — from wiping noses to managing schedules.
Portraying this realization as a mental breakdown or a midlife crisis is regressive, reducing women’s genuine dissatisfaction with their lives to a narrative of insanity.
Although I haven’t finished the series, I doubt I will. Word has it SPOILER ALERT that Billie runs away — as if that’s her only option. Apparently, she can’t do the hard work of communicating with her husband or reconciling her past with her present.
This series will likely join the ranks of others I leave unfinished, like the “Fifty Shades of Grey” trilogy. I’m exhausted by the portrayal of strong women in media — and done poorly at that. It’s just mom porn, smut — whatever you want to call it, but don’t expect anything more than a story that barely scrapes the surface of deeper issues.
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