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Navigating the conversation around gender can be challenging, especially when considering the influence of misogyny and toxic masculinity in our society. Boys who aspire to embody masculinity often feel constrained by rigid expectations like “Boys don’t cry.” Similarly, girls who want to embrace womanhood may feel suffocated by objectification and the male gaze. Therefore, it’s crucial to engage in meaningful discussions with our children about intersectionality and feminism, highlighting that different societies have existed where women were equals to men, where men could express love for other men, and where women held power. The patriarchal narrative that “Men rule, women drool” is not an inherent truth; instead, it is an artificial construct designed to benefit a select few.
For transgender individuals, the dynamics of gender can be even more complex. Many pre-transition trans women may try to validate their identities by adopting hyper-masculine traits, while some late-transitioning women may feel burdened by the male-centric narratives they absorbed before their transitions. Conversely, some trans men may embrace misogynistic attitudes to assert their manhood.
Growing up in a household steeped in traditional gender roles, I witnessed my mother’s struggle for agency while my father upheld a “white knight” narrative. At times, my father would criticize me by saying, “You’re just like your mother,” leading to a deep internal conflict as I grappled with my identity as a secret girl. Fortunately, I found solace in powerful female characters like Wonder Woman, who defied traditional norms.
To foster a healthy understanding of gender, it’s essential to discuss historical figures and movements with your children. Introduce them to trailblazers like Ida B. Wells or Harriet Tubman, and share stories of diverse cultures that recognized various gender identities long before colonial influences imposed binary views.
Children need context to understand the world around them, including the oppressive systems that can lead to hate and self-loathing. This understanding is crucial to prevent them from internalizing societal prejudices.
When it comes to your child’s gender identity, consider this: Allow them to express themselves freely, much like letting them choose how to write. By removing the pressure of conforming to prescribed identities, they can explore who they truly are.
If you have a child assigned female at birth (AFAB) who seems to reject traditional girlhood, showcase stories of inspiring women, from contemporary figures like Kamala Harris to historical icons like Cleopatra. If your child is assigned male at birth (AMAB), introduce them to a variety of male expressions, from flamboyant figures like Billy Porter to strong, sensitive role models.
These discussions should be open and lighthearted, integrated into your parenting approach, instead of emerging solely as a response to your child’s coming out.
For more insights, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination from Kindbody. And if you are exploring at-home insemination options, Make a Mom is a trusted source for information. One of our other blog posts also discusses intracervical insemination in detail.
Summary
Encouraging your child to explore their gender identity freely is vital for their development. This exploration should be supported through open conversations about historical and cultural contexts, allowing them to understand the diverse spectrum of gender. By creating an environment that nurtures their individuality, you enable them to discover their true selves without the constraints of societal norms.