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Updated: July 25, 2021
Originally Published: July 23, 2021
Recently, I made the leap from Boston to a suburb in Tampa, seeking more sunshine—both literally and metaphorically. A combination of the pandemic, a divorce, and a health scare pushed me into a significant life change I could no longer ignore.
Now, I find myself in a town I hadn’t even heard of just months ago. I initially put an offer on a different house, sight unseen, before I ever set foot in Tampa. Thankfully, that didn’t work out, which led me to take a trip to explore my options.
During my visit, one particular home welcomed me with a flurry of butterflies that was unlike anything I had ever felt in my 48 years. It instantly made me feel at home. I felt compelled to express how those four walls helped me confront my grief through a letter.
To the family of the woman who owned my new home,
As soon as I stepped into your beloved mother’s beautiful house, I knew it was where I was meant to be. The soaring ceilings, unique layout, and peaceful pool left a lasting impression, but it was the butterfly decal on the sliding door that truly captivated me. As I approached the door, brilliant butterflies danced in the backyard, making their presence known.
It gave me chills, and here’s why.
Before my mother succumbed to ovarian cancer in 2013, I asked her how she would send me signs after she was gone. “I’ll send butterflies,” she replied, her eyes brimming with tears.
Sadly, I didn’t see a single butterfly for over a year after her passing. In my despair, I drove to a butterfly sanctuary, yearning for a sign, but it didn’t come until I walked into your mother’s home—nearly eight years later.
My mom adored butterflies; she read countless books about them, traveled to places like Costa Rica and the Galapagos in search of them, and talked about them incessantly. There’s even a butterfly engraved on her grave. I know she’s here with me, cheering on my brave choice to move to Florida with my kids and start anew.
My children have faced their own profound losses. They both lost their father to kidney cancer in 2018, and my bonus daughter lost her mother to breast cancer when she was just four. Together, we’ve been overwhelmed by grief but strive to live with hope, inspired by my mom’s resilience.
When I read your heartfelt note after closing, I felt a connection to the fresh pain you’re experiencing. My mother’s death left a void that has never fully healed. She was my unwavering source of light in a sometimes dark world—my loudest supporter as I chased my dreams and a loving grandmother to my children. The words you chose to describe your mom resonate deeply with me; I often use the same adjectives to describe mine.
I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to pack up your mother’s belongings and trust that her home would be cared for. I want you to know that I will fill it with love, laughter, and hopefully, grandchildren one day—just like she did. You are always welcome to visit.
I’ll leave you with my mother’s favorite quote, which rings especially true during times of grief: “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.” Rest assured, I will never remove your mom’s butterfly decal; it will stay in my home in her honor and as a tribute to my mom.
My upcoming children’s book, “Goodnight Star, Whoever You Are,” is set to release on October 26th in honor of Children’s Grief Awareness Day.
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