artificial insemination kit for humans
My kids are currently in their rooms, waiting for me to wrap up my work because I’m their gateway to the world beyond our home. My daughter is engrossed in dollar store beauty tips, while my son needs a ride to his friend’s place.
Tonight, my partner is joining us for dinner. A few days ago, when I felt more refreshed, I enthusiastically suggested we have a big family meal featuring our favorite summer dishes — which I would, of course, prepare.
Yesterday was one of my days off, and I realized how much my house needed a good cleaning after I agreed to let my kids have two dogs indoors. My hair roots were showing, which bothers me; gray roots make me feel washed out, and every time I glance in the mirror, I don’t recognize the person looking back.
We were about to run out of toilet paper, so I made a comprehensive list of all the essentials (which turned out to be everything) and then launched into a furious cleaning spree until I became hangry and had to go out for food to avoid snapping at anyone.
After putting the groceries away and already feeling exhausted from the day ahead, I felt a wave of tears coming on.
I hate reaching this point — where even minor tasks, like mowing the lawn or paying a bill, can push me over the edge. I’ve trained myself to believe that I deserve the stress of playing catch-up when I feel I’ve slacked off. I took Friday off with the intent to rest, but instead, I spent my “mental health day” tackling yard work that should have been done a year ago. I trimmed branches, did some weeding, took my kids to pick up their friends, and even treated everyone to ice cream. I changed burnt-out light bulbs and shampooed the carpet.
After a date night filled with dinner and intimacy (an evening I just wanted to survive because I had overextended myself that week), I felt completely drained.
Now, I want to take my kids out for activities they enjoy because it brings them joy. I want to prepare a lovely dinner because cooking is something I love, and it’s been a while since we’ve had a family meal at home. I crave intimacy with my partner; I genuinely enjoy our connection.
But all signs today point to burnout — because right now, I just want to bury my head under a pillow and ignore everyone.
This isn’t how life should be.
I should have taken the time on Friday to rejuvenate, as that was the whole purpose of my day off. Instead, I let my inner martyr take over, convincing myself that I could manage running errands, completing chores, and shuttling my kids around instead of taking a few hours for myself to read a book or enjoy my garden.
I keep saying “yes” to everything instead of pausing to consider how I’m actually feeling. No one is forcing me to do this. In fact, my kids and partner don’t appreciate the stressed-out version of me who snaps at them for little things like not being able to find the ketchup. They want me to rest and enjoy our time together.
A few years back, I realized that I didn’t have to shoulder every responsibility. It’s impossible to feel happy and healthy if I do, yet understanding this and acting on it are two very different things.
There’s no time for my own interests when I’m constantly fixated on keeping the house spotless. I simply can’t juggle work, my kids’ social lives, and fulfilling their needs in a timely manner.
I can’t get excited about spending time with my partner when I’m running on empty and have agreed to a social outing when what I truly need is a quiet night at home, alone.
No one will mind if we order pizza tonight instead of me laboring in the kitchen, especially during the summer when we could be grilling and enjoying the season.
One person cannot fulfill the demands of their children, partner, job, and home and expect to have anything left for themselves.
So why do we keep doing this?
Why do we believe that this day or week will be different? Why do we feel guilty for taking a day just for ourselves? Why do we think that running on fumes makes us superhuman?
I think I know the answer: the thought of having to catch up is exhausting, and we assume that if we don’t do everything, who will? Certainly not those around us who seem much happier because they don’t stress about whether every task gets done.
But living this way doesn’t make us better people.
Had I taken that Friday off as planned to reset, I would have felt more prepared for today. I wouldn’t be annoyed with my kids or feel overwhelmed. I’d be looking forward to dinner and family time, instead of feeling like a deflated balloon.
I need to remember that when I neglect my own needs, everything else suffers. Saying “yes” to everyone but myself breeds bitterness and fatigue. It’s crucial to recognize this the next time I’m tempted to take on more than I should.
It’s tough, but we must normalize the idea that moms can and should prioritize their own well-being, rather than constantly picking up everyone else’s pieces.
I’m committed to breaking this cycle because I know I’m a happier person when I do. And that’s reason enough.
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