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The Netflix documentary Pray Away, directed by Kristine Stolakis, delves into the unsettling world of conversion therapy, revealing its origins and the devastating impact it has had on the queer community. The film investigates how this harmful practice evolved into a widespread and abusive phenomenon, ultimately being condemned for its ineffectiveness and cruelty.
Pray Away—a phrase echoing the sentiment of “pray the gay away”—features former leaders from Living Hope Ministries and Exodus International, who were once prominent figures in the movement. The narrative also includes the journey of an individual who claims to have detransitioned after finding faith. Now, he seeks to “save” other queer individuals. While at times the film can seem absurd due to the lengths individuals went to convince themselves of their beliefs, it remains heart-wrenching throughout. The emotional toll is evident, reopening old wounds that many thought had healed.
Finding Acceptance Beyond Faith
Conversion therapy emerged from the shadows of church basements, as LGBTQ+ individuals sought community amidst feelings of shame imposed by their faith. This shame was rooted in the belief that their identities were sinful and needed to be changed. Lacking the support to embrace their true selves, many opted for a path they believed would lead to acceptance through prayer and Jesus Christ. Sadly, the most tragic aspect of this journey is the exploitation of a fundamental yearning for love and acceptance. The cycle of fear, isolation, and a false sense of community perpetuated by conversion therapy continues to ensnare many.
It’s crucial to understand that conversion therapy isn’t simply about the belief that God can alter one’s sexuality; it fundamentally suggests that being queer or transgender is a mental illness that can be cured. This notion is not only false but has been shown to cause significant harm. A peer-reviewed study highlighted by The Trevor Project found that queer youth who undergo conversion therapy are twice as likely to attempt suicide compared to their peers.
The repercussions of this damaging ideology led to the eventual closure of Exodus in 2013, when its leaders issued an apology to the LGBTQ+ community. Shockingly, many of these leaders, who once perpetuated harmful myths, later came out as queer themselves, seeking to make amends for the damage inflicted.
Personal Encounters with Conversion Therapy
Reflecting on personal experiences, I recall a summer visit with my mother and her boyfriend during college. Amidst conversations, my mother pushed me about my dating life, expressing her desire for me to find a “good Christian man.” It was in this moment of pressure that I revealed my identity as a gay woman. The reaction was less about acceptance and more about fear—fear of losing her partner and the societal judgment that would follow.
While I was never forced into formal conversion therapy, my mother and her boyfriend often prayed for me, hoping I would change. Their intentions were rooted in their beliefs, yet ultimately, it left me feeling rejected. After watching Pray Away, I found myself grappling with unresolved anger and trauma that I had thought I had managed to overcome.
Navigating Healing and Support
Before viewing the documentary, I had heard warnings from fellow LGBTQ+ individuals about the emotional weight it carries. I underestimated its impact, but I was profoundly affected. Thankfully, years of therapy and a supportive community have helped me process these feelings.
If Pray Away resonates with you or triggers difficult emotions, it’s important to prioritize self-care. It’s perfectly okay to step away from the film if needed. Remember, you’re not obligated to engage with content that feels overwhelming. Support is available through mental health professionals and organizations like The Trevor Project and resources from WebMD for those dealing with similar struggles.
One inspiring figure featured in the film is Julie Rogers, who endured conversion therapy as a teenager but emerged as a powerful advocate for queer youth. Her book, Outlove: A Queer Christian Survival Story, and her campaign, the Outlove Project, aim to support at-risk LGBTQ+ individuals, transforming pain into activism.
Ultimately, your journey matters, and embracing your authentic self is essential. Keep pursuing love and living a life true to who you are.