Vacationing as a Queer Family: The Challenges of Finding True Inclusivity

When my former partner and I set out on our honeymoon two decades ago, we didn’t prioritize our safety as a queer couple. Instead, we relied on the assumption that people would think we were just friends, using that facade as a shield. We chose an all-inclusive resort in Aruba, aiming for a relaxing mix of sun, beach, and meals without the stress of planning. Although we were mindful of our surroundings, our concerns stemmed more from being two women (before my transition) than from being a lesbian couple. The overarching stress of concealing our true selves lingered, even in paradise.

All-inclusive vacations often fail to provide genuine equality. While I was more outspoken about my identity at home, I felt silenced during our trip when the resort’s entertainment explicitly excluded gay couples from participating in activities meant for newlyweds. It was infuriating to witness the hypocrisy of a place that happily accepted our money while simultaneously denying our existence. My meals may have been included, but my identity was not. True inclusivity for queer families on vacation remains elusive.

The Complexity of Traveling with Children

Traveling with children adds another layer of complexity. Packing essentials like diapers, nightlights, and snacks can quickly become overwhelming. For queer families, the stakes are even higher. Along with typical travel preparations, we must ensure we have proper documentation, such as marriage certificates and guardianship papers, to avoid potential legal issues. My ex and I took meticulous care when traveling abroad, bringing along all necessary paperwork to prove our rights as parents and partners.

Navigating Public Spaces

Navigating public restrooms can also be a concern when family or gender-neutral options are unavailable, and one often faces unwanted attention or even hostility. Even at airport security, I frequently face scrutiny because my physical appearance doesn’t align with the gender marker on my ID. As a result, I sometimes choose to leave behind clothing that openly displays my queer identity to avoid drawing unnecessary attention.

Finding LGBTQIA+ Friendly Accommodations

Finding accommodations that are LGBTQIA+ friendly requires additional effort. We often reach out directly to property owners to ensure they are welcoming before booking a stay. When traveling with kids, our focus on safety and comfort intensifies, overshadowing the excitement of our vacation plans.

While more destinations today welcome queer travelers, they can still be hard to come by. Research shows that queer travelers often invest more time in finding safe accommodations than their heterosexual counterparts. Many have even altered or canceled trips due to safety concerns surrounding their identity. Thankfully, resources like the International LGBTQ+ Travel Association (IGLTA) and various queer-owned businesses help make planning safer and more enjoyable.

Looking Ahead

Although certain places may not be ideal for us, we still deserve to explore wherever our hearts desire. Our safety and comfort should always come first. In upcoming articles, I’ll be sharing insights on queer-friendly beaches, all-inclusive resorts suitable for LGBTQIA+ families, and travel tips for transgender individuals. So get ready to pack your bags and your favorite queer-themed shirts; a fabulous vacation awaits!

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Summary:

Traveling as a queer family presents unique challenges, from safety concerns to ensuring inclusivity in vacation settings. While progress has been made, many destinations still require significant research to ensure comfort and acceptance. Resources like IGLTA and queer-owned businesses help make travel planning safer and more enjoyable for LGBTQIA+ families.