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Every morning, as I send my children off to elementary school, I share a few important reminders with them: I express my love, urge them to remember their folders, and encourage kindness. But one phrase I wish someone had told me when I was young is: “Do your best, but remember that school is not real life!” I want them to understand that as long as they’re giving their best effort and treating others kindly, they won’t face any repercussions at home for things that happen at school, which they fully grasp.
Reflecting on my own childhood, I realize how much I struggled with the pressures of school. For instance, in fifth grade, I forgot to submit a Bible assignment. At my Southern Baptist private school, this oversight resulted in a failing grade, which was a shocking experience for me since I had always been the “smart girl.” The pressures to perform were overwhelming, and I internalized the belief that I had to excel academically to gain my parents’ approval.
I remember the night before report cards were to be issued; I was so anxious I couldn’t sleep. When I finally got my report card, I broke down in tears over a grade, and my mother, relieved it wasn’t something more serious, encouraged me to try harder next time. I didn’t get the understanding I desperately needed.
My eldest child, Alex, is quite similar to me—intelligent and inherently kind but also anxious. When he faces challenges at school, I am reminded of my own childhood struggles with anxiety. I wish I could go back and support my younger self, but now I focus on ensuring my kids don’t experience the same hardships.
I make it clear to Alex and his brother, Leo, that while school is important, it doesn’t define their worth or future. I encourage them to address their concerns and remind them that their best effort is what truly matters. If they struggle with a subject, we’ll tackle it together, but a poor grade won’t lead to disappointment or punishment at home.
In our family, we recognize that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. My husband excels in finance, while I thrive in creative writing. I want my children to explore their interests and understand that school is simply a stepping stone in their lives—not the entirety of it.
At home, we have a sign that reads, “Take a deep breath. You’re home now.” This serves as a reminder that our home is a sanctuary where they can feel safe, loved, and accepted for who they are, without the pressures of school weighing on them.
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In summary, I emphasize to my children that while school is a part of their lives, it doesn’t define them. I want them to feel secure and valued at home, free from the burdens of academic pressures. We all have different strengths, and the focus should be on growth and learning rather than perfection.