Ask Home Insemination Kit: My Mother-in-law Criticizes My Child for Using a Pacifier

Welcome to Home Insemination Kit’s advice section, where our team of experts tackles your questions about family, parenting, and everything in between.

This week’s dilemma: What should you do when your little one still has a pacifier and relatives are not shy about expressing their opinions?

Dear Home Insemination Kit,

My daughter is three and a half and still relies on her pacifier for comfort. I don’t see her wanting to give it up anytime soon, and frankly, I’m not worried about it. She eats and drinks from regular utensils and cups, and she’s hitting all her developmental milestones. The pacifier brings her comfort, and I don’t see any reason to take it away, especially since it’s not causing issues. However, my mother-in-law insists that my daughter is too old for it. Whenever she sees her using it, she either snatches it away or remarks, “You’re too big to be a binky baby.” This really annoys me, and I’m starting to think about limiting their visits. How can I tell her to mind her own business and let my daughter keep her pacifier?

Advice

Well, let’s settle this once and for all: you can inform your mother-in-law that, per the American Academy of Pediatrics, using a pacifier is acceptable up until the age of four, so your daughter is still in the clear.

Another way to address this is to kindly say, “I appreciate your thoughts on my parenting, but this is my child to raise.” It’s no one else’s concern, even if it’s your child’s grandma.

Consider how your daughter feels: for her, the pacifier is a source of comfort, and abruptly taking it away because someone thinks she’s “too old” could be distressing. Your mother-in-law might not realize how her actions affect your daughter, and while she likely means well, she’s not helping the situation.

It would actually hurt your mother-in-law more if you decided to limit her time with her granddaughter than if you simply laid down the truth: you’re comfortable with your daughter still using her pacifier and don’t need her judgment.

The Mayo Clinic states that most children naturally stop using pacifiers between the ages of two and four, so your daughter might decide to give it up soon on her own. If she doesn’t, you could try redirecting her focus when she asks for it or even modifying the pacifier to make it less appealing.

Remember: You won’t be dropping your daughter off at college with a pacifier in her mouth. Your mother-in-law has had her chance at parenting. It’s your child, your choices, and no one else’s business.

Further Resources

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Summary:

A concerned parent is struggling with their mother-in-law’s disapproval of their three-and-a-half-year-old daughter still using a pacifier for comfort. The advice emphasizes that it’s perfectly acceptable for children to use pacifiers until age four, and the child’s comfort should be prioritized over external judgments. Strategies for addressing the mother-in-law’s comments and potential methods for naturally phasing out the pacifier are discussed.